just one.

people have been saying last night was the best night of worship yet.

for me, last night was really hard.

yes, it was awesome to feel the presence of the Lord, and boy did i feel it.

i got to sit with cassie h. and hear about a burden on her heart

{pray for her husband.  he is in pilot training for the army and he needs prayers}

i got to hold her 6 week old baby and worship.

God is so good.  my heart can be overwhelmed.

but for the first time, i felt like an outsider at VGF.

while i am away at school, everyone is building those relationships further.

while yes, i do talk weekly to bishop and biweekly to others, it's still hard.

i get there and just feel that i am not wanted.

it's my insecurities and my jealous.

but i txted amanda asking her if i could sit with her.

she said yes, then never told me where they were.

it's not a big deal at allll.  just makes me feel unwanted.

she was off sitting with some new girls she has gotten to know.

and i am elated for her!  she is making friendships and getting involved.

but i just feel like i am not.

i'm at a stand still.

makes me not want to be at school, and makes it that much harder to focus.

i would have sat by myself had i not gotten in a convo with cassie.

as she shared her heart, worship started.

she asked if i wanted to sit with them.

i'm trying to tell myself that wasn't a pity ask!!  haha.

but at least one person asked.

i just feel a bit discouraged because this is the first time this has happened.

and i'm assuming it might be reoccurring as the time keeps passing by.

but i need to pray for strength and to not be jealous.

to be confident in those friendships.  and to be confident that He knows what He's doing.

on top of feeling like an outsider, as i'm sitting with cassie and eden, my heart just hurt....in a good way.

i so badly want to be a mom and a wife.

and my heart just aches for that.

and it aches that i don't get to do that for a long long time.

again, i need to remember He knows what He is doing.

tomorrow is valentine's day.

and even though i'm single, i loove it!  

so fun to wear pink and have a day dedicated to love.

and i long for the day i get to share it with that special someone.