haiti, here we come!

this past week i saw a kid from jeuvie.  in hand cuffs and feet cuffs.

at the office.  say whhhhat?! 

it was unreal. i am so naive. 

one of the nurses, after i said i never knew they did that, says 'oh you're so naive! i love you.  but so naive!'

such truth right there.

and the med student came back again.

but he's not that cute haha.

and a patient who was coming in to have stitches removed, and me and ashley s. and cleo tried to remove, was supposed to come in the other day.

but instead?  his mom took them out in his sleep.

how hilarious is that!?

but back to real stuff.....i leave for haiti TODAY.

last night i was feeling waves of emotion.

i was a little sad that the women at bible study didn't remember until i brought it up...and the Lord kept telling me 'ann.  it's not about them.  it's about worth in me.  don't take offense.  they don't mean it to be harmful'

and i just felt comforted by that.  i love when he whispers sweet things like that to me.

they all said they would be praying for me.

and i felt so emotional.

like i wanted to cry...but wasn't sure why.

i am overwhelmed with all that is to come.

the heat, exhaustion, lack of sleep, and lack of food.

oh, and i don't know anyone going.  so add that to the mix.

it's just a lot. and i'm just trying to continually lay it at His feet.

He has great things for this trip, and i can't wait.

He has called me to this trip, and He never disappoints.

He has his hand over my life in every situation.

and He will be faithful to me these next 10 days.

ways you can pray:

--for the team and it's dynamic.

--that in exhaustion and heat i can still keep a positive attitude and remain a blessing to those we serve

--for safety!  to, from, and my parents would appreciate it if there were no earth quakes :)

--for the Lord to break my heart to be more like His, and bring me closer to Him in this time.

--for the Haitians.  that we can heal them and that the Lord speaks into their lives.  that those who don't know Him come to know Him, and to those who do know him, that they experience Him in new and amazing ways.

--and although it hasn't been huge cause it's been my prayer already, for any anxiety i might have.

the list could go on and on. but any prayer is so powerful and felt.

this trip will be amazing, and i can't wait to share when i'm home!

off we goooooo!

{and a cute pic of aubber before i go}

color run!

this past weekend was the color run!

there were 7 of my girlfriends who came down from campus to run.

it was such blast.

they all started arriving after 7 pm on friday night.

when they got there, we laughed and laughed so hard.

just telling stories and what not.

then, we decorated the back of our shirts.

{a BIG thanks to my bro and SIL for letting us stay at their house.  it was so nice to have our own space and be able to not worry about keeping the parents awake late at night!}

we got to bed too late, and were up way too early.

ran the race, and got covered in color.

the end part, where we all throw color up int he air, was the best part!

then we took more pictures and headed back to the car.

we had a picnic and everyone took turns showering.

afterwards, some peopel left, and miriam, rachel wei., and kayla stayed.

we watched a little 'step up 2', and then i made them come to walmart with me LOL.

i needed stuff for haiti, and by 3 pm, i felt we had been invading on my bro and SIL's space.

afterwards, we said our 'thank yous' and were on our way home.

it was such a fun weekend, and wouldn't have been worth it without them.

it was great to see them all, and made me more excited for the school year ahead.

can't believe it is coming quickly and we'll be SENIORS!
i met a new women at church the other week and when she asked what grade i was i said 'junior!  oh wait! i mean senior...i'll be a senior!'

who forgets that?!  LOL.  i just have not said it too much cause the year hasn't started.

enjoy some color run pics :).

{our beautiful shirts beforehand}

{the backs...before}

{a little stretching}

{AFTER!}

{mollie, jess k., me, abby}

{the whole gang! miriam, jess, abby, kayla, megan, mollie, kayla, rachel, me}

{love these two ladies and will be doing a lot of life with them next year!  can't wait.}

{woooo!}

it was fun.

and i still have some purple on my shoulders LOL.

born to cook.

today, i made a recipe with the kids i've been wanting to do for a while!

it was home made sugar cookies, that you make into ice cream sandwiches.

they were oh my gosh!  so so good.

{and best of all, super easy}

i just couldn't get enough of them.

and either could the kids.

i tell ya.  i was born to cook!

it was a great activity for a bit of a crummy day.

i am so excited for haiti!

and even more excited this weekend to host 8 of my girlfriends to do the color run.

it's going to be so so fun, and i can't wait to see them all!

pray that my hosting skills are up to par and everyone has a safe travel/enjoys their time in cols.

{so good!}

my recent prayer.

well God has certainly been good and been easing some of my anxiety about haiti.

love the power of prayer!

but as i've been praying, i have had a lot of 'little men' on my heart.

the twin i babysit for (10 months old) and a friends baby, brayan, who was just born 3 days ago.

this has been my prayer for them....and every young man, in that case.

and i even pray this over my unborn children.

dear Lord.  i thank you so much for this little men that i have been so blessed to know.  lord, i pray that as they grow, they learn to love You with all of their heart.  i pray that they run so fast and so hard after the cross.  i pray that they can see and feel You in real ways, and that they so intimately feel Your love for them.  i pray that their hearts are not hardened to You or Your word.  i pray that the treat women--and anyone they encounter--in a way that is honoring to You, not honoring to our culture.  don't let them be luke warm, but give them a hunger and thirst for You.  help them to turn to you in the hard times of their lives, and know that You are the only thing that truly satisfies.  i pray You use their parents as examples of how to love and serve You in all areas of their lives.  lord, i thank you for putting me in these little men's lives, and i praise you for the young men {and women} you will place in my life someday. 

i just can't wait until i can pray this prayer over my own babies. i know God's timing is perfect, and i can't wait until that perfect timing is revealed. 

Lord, i thank you for the desire to me a wife and a mom, and i pray that you give me patience until that time comes.  i pray that you help me to be faithful where i am at today so i can best serve you with where i am at.  i love you!  and i can't wait to love my little babies someday!  bring it soon, if it's your will.  Your precious daughter--who sometimes can't believe the worth You hold on her.

oh, to sew.

this weekend my project was to hem the dresses for haiti.

so, i started on saturday and was going to have my mom help.

low and behold i forgot she was going to the creation museum with a friend.  fail!

so i had to teach myself...or head to teena's house to learn how to sew.

it was that or youtube.  luckily she was home.

she taught me how to hem and i instantly thought,

'CRAP! i should have started this like 2 months ago!'

it is so much more complex and time consuming than i thought.

but do not worry!  i am already finished with 6 of them.

and i think i'll stop there.

mainly because my eyes hurt, but i guess i can re-wear dresses too.

i've been wearing some of the longer dresses in public and have gotten so many compliments.

i always thought i could never wear them.  but ah-hah!  i love them.

and they're like my new obsession now.

i'll have to wait till they go on sale in the winter and then stock up.

can't believe haiti is approaching.

praying that my anxiety stays to a minimum and these next 8 days can be smooth and fun.

p.s..i'm also praying that my feminine cycle holds off this month.

i even took it upon myself to get BC to see if it works.

pray pray pray that i am really light, or non-existant this month.

such a weird thing to pray about but hey, every thing matters to God!

i spoke too soon.

i have spoke too soon the last several posts, and knowing what happened before peru, i should have known.

for some reason, i am getting really nervous about haiti.

there are just so many things going through my head as it is the weekend before i leave.

i am stressed about the things i need to get done before hand.

i am stressed about missing the money while i'm away.

i am stressed about the team dynamic.

i am stressed that i will be so exhausted going into the trip, it will be miserable.

i am so stressed i will be on my period while in haiti.

and the list could go on and on...

it hit me tonight.

as i babysat the ortens, i just felt a wave of emotions.

first of all, they are leaving for vacation tonight.  

all week i have kept thinking, 'i could have been going on this trip'

and had it not been for haiti, i would be going to the beach with them.  for 2 whole weeks.

it would have been so glorious {yet i know last summer brought about some stresses, too, which is to be expected when you're not traveling with your family...then add 4 young kids}

but i really do love their family and will miss them.

and the girls several times kept mentioning they wish i was going with them.

broke my heart.

but i know this summer and my opportunity through haiti will be wonderful and life changing.

so after the emotions of, 'i'm no longer vaca ann' i started getting all antsy about haiti.

maybe it's cause i saw jenny and mark running around getting everything ready?

or the fact that i knew this event was right before my trip and they'll be gone when i leave.

wowza.  that's big stuff.

but on a funny note.

at work today, we were reminiscing on things people do...and particularly funny things that cleo says.

i guess when it's flu season and we do a ton of flu shots, you'll have like 5 people in the same family.

where 3 kids are under the table and 2 are on top.

and cleo is known for walking in and saying, 'i'll take the young chickens first' 

which, if you know cleo, is just flipping hilarious.

i love that woman.  she is so funny....and sooo knowledgeable.

so yes.  give her those little chickens and she'll be good to go!

ashley s. had her last day today, and i will miss her.

she was so sweet just in the 2 weeks i knew her.

and she had rediscovered my love to want to go shoot some guns! lol.

 

a letter to the single ladies.

each and every day i can't believe that i'm one day closer to haiti.

someone pinch me! 

i have started organizing things for the 'color run' next weekend and getting excited.

it will be so fun to have my girls here for the weekend.

the Lord is still working on me and where i put my worth.

it is so hard to not listen to satan at times like these.

i know i am a child of God who is so deeply loved.

i know He died a cruel and painful death for my wretched sins.

i know that He is all that i want, and all i want to be seeking.

but it is so hard to live in that desire.

sometimes i don't know how to make sure i know where my worth is.

i know that when i start to have more confidence, i'll be on the right track.

how do i change this?  

it's not only a mind issue, but also a heart issue.

i feel there are a lot of heart issues going around lately.

read this awesome article today from a blog about being single and it's good.  talks about where our worth is. and making sure it is in Jesus.

check it out!

http://melissajenna.com/2012/07/12/all-the-good-ones-arent-taken-a-letter-to-single-ladies/

tomorrow dr. k turns the big 40!

we're all wearing black in the office LOL.

i am loving working at the office and learning so much!

can't wait to keep learning more and be able to come back and share about haiti with everyone.

{seeing the fish in the pond but the buxton!}

2 weeks till take off.

i got together with emily c. last night and it was so good to see her.

but i still haven't recovered from the power outage lack-of-sleep bit.

and am exhausted.

and can't believe that in 2 weeks...yes, count it....1, 2...weeks i'll be in haiti.

what the?!

how did time go so fast?

i just got my clinical assignment for the year and man is it not ideal.

tuesday night from 4-10 and then friday from 7-2 30.

i actually like having later clinicals, but i usually babysit on tuesdays and am so bummed that will have to change.

i'm praying i can work something out to be able to still see the boys.

my clinical group is so-so, which is totally fine.

i can make it without my friends, and it's just a lot of people i wouldn't choose myself.

but jess winkler is in my group and i am sooo thankful for that!!

i just love her and can't wait to have her in my group (again).  

praise the Lord i'll have her!

i'll leave with these adorable pics.

{bigg sister...little sister}

 hammin' it up

good time.

alicia sapp's baby shower was today and so fun.

i went a little early and helped set up, but kinda am getting the vibe that bishop doesn't want to be around me much.

i love being around her, and hope that it's just all in my head.

back to the baby shower....

i just love baby stuff and can't wait to be a mom someday!

i am fine waiting, but boy is that a desire of my heart.

i am so happy for those who are mommies to be!!  

 

one of my new favorite songs is 'good time' by owl city.

it's so catchy and i just love it!

listen to it!  you won't be disappointed.

tonight rachel k-l turned the big 3-3.

i watched the kids while they went out and it was fun.

i didn't see them all week and it felt like foreverrr.

we did some serious dancing, and aubrey was being seriously cute.

another work week about to begin!

a weeping heart

the other night were the gville fireworks.

they were so good and i went to them with tyler, caitlin c., and katie p.

it was nice to catch up with them all, it had been so long!

but before we all connected, we were at jeanie's house for a cookout.

we were all chatting and i mentioned going to see tyler.

to which my mother said, 'tyler who?'

for some reason, my mom ALWAYS says that.

she's only been my best friend for ohhh 8 years or so.

and i get frustrated cause my mom always mixes up her name and i feel like that the one name she should at least try to remember.  

my mom was on edge a bit, which wasn't helping.

so i mentioned that she never remembers her name, but i'm always talking about tyler.

to which my mom said:

'how would you like it if i just criticized you all day long?'

....i held my tongue.  i wanted to say so much.

then about 5 seconds later she turns to me and says:

'you're so sassy to me, i don't know why i put up with you anymore!'

....i tried to hold my tongue!  i told myself to stay quiet.

but with a week of horrible sleep and just being fed up, i replied.

'well you're a brat to me, too, mom'

just like that.  insert foot in mouth, please.

and i instantly stormed off, wishing i could rewind what just had happened.

i felt awful the whole time, and thought i was going to be in huge trouble.

but i don't share this story to say who was right or wrong.

i share it because in the mist of all this going on,  

my heart was weeping.

i got home and was just praying that the Lord give me wisdom on what to say and how to act.

and when i woke up this morning, as i was praying before i knew i needed to apologize, i started crying.

apologizing can be such a humbling thing.

it is hard to make that step to say 'hey.  i am human.  and i was wrong.  but i'm so sorry'

{and is it just me or does it seem harder around family and those you know?!}

and i start to cry because it makes me hate that i have that area in my heart.

why would i respond like that?

it is the complete opposite of how anyone who follows Christ should act.

it's embarrassing and so humiliating.

and i hate that this area is inside of my heart.  it makes me weep and i want it changed.

so i prayed for strength to make every step downstairs.

and i made it.  and immediately apologized. and my mom was very apologetic too for over reacting.

it was a long week for everyone and we were both fed up. 

i am so thankful that this was a grace period, and i'm praying i learn to NOT act this way again.

and i so desperately pray that the Lord removes these areas from my heart.

i want a heart that so deeply mirrors His.

i want to be an encourager and someone people enjoy being around.

i want to be a woman whose heart is so pure before God.

no darkness or inconsistency.

side note: 5 years ago i was in peru.  gosh, that place changed my life.

i facebooked susie, the organized of brio missions, and told her a big thank you for her work.

she said they're going to peru and will need leaders.

i pray that the Lord brings me to brio {now susie mag} missions again to help be an impact in young women/men lives.  and i am praying that this timing is coming up sooner than later.

that's all.

i am thankful that the Lord brought me to weep.

i love that it means there is a connection with the Holy Spirit and that i was in-tune enough to feel the 'tug' to tell me to apologize and that i had made a mistake.

i pray i continue to listen to that voice and that it becomes more clear as life goes on.

and i pray that this situation was the Lord carving out another section of my broken life to be more pure and Christ-like.

happy 4th!

the heat has really been taking a toll on me.

last night was so stinking hott and i wanted to die.

it's not just the heat, but as we were discussing at work, we haven't slept well in a week now, and there is just no relief from the heat.

it's so exhausting!!  haiti is going to be rough.

and i guess this is what you get for praying to be physically prepared for haiti LOL.

yesterday i went to the mulberry street brunch and had fun.

ross {our 'new' summer neighbor who is from tennessee...who just so happens to be cute} and i were talking  and then my mom asked us to come sit with her.  so we did.  me, ross, mom and dad. 

the parade was fun but a bit sticky....shocking! 

i wish ross loved jesus, cause i could totally be interested if he did!

and right after the last post, i think God slapped me in the face.

i got on facebook and saw several people who had said they would let me do laundry.

and many offered their houses.

and not only did bishop offer to let me do my laundry, but she physically took ALL my laundry from me and did it for me.  she wouldn't let me come over cause it was already 9 pm and she knew i had to work in the morning.  

what a tremendous blessing that was.  and i had no idea how much that would take a weight off my shoulders.  

like, it was HUGE.

and i need to be better at letting people help me and just accepting when people do a nice thing for me.

before she took my laundry, she offered for me to come and swim and spend the day in her pool/house.

so i did.  and it was so so wonderful!

and then becca s. and kelsi s. came over and we had a great time.

we went into granville to get stromboli at the fair and sat...in the shade....sweating like pigs.

but it was so fun to hang out with all of them.

and it was the best way ever to spend the 4th of july.

{shady gals!}

{love us!}

{love them!}

then i spent the night at the cowies because i just couldn't take the heat anymore.

which was hard to get a good sleep cause you're in a different place.

i can't decide if i want to head over there again and hope to sleep better, or just tough it out at home.

but if the 8th is when we'll have power, at least we're in the home stretch!

spiritually here is what has been going on:

last sunday we had church on the square.

i sat with keri m. who i just have a huge friend crush on {shes in her 30s} and at the end of the service, brad encouraged us to pray with one another.  so her and i prayed together.

and i just love her so much.

she was so encouraging, and then i txted her today telling her i was praying for her. 

she responded: 

"wanted to let you know that i don't know you well, but i can see Jesus all over you.  i see His light in you every time that i am around you.  if you ever feel insecure, i pray that you feel his strength and love in you!  not the perfect scripture for you but you were on my mind when i read it so i thought i would share.  galatians 1:10 maybe you can remember when you feel uneasy.  have a great week!"

see why i have a total friend crush on her? 

i really just want someone like her to be my mentor.

anyways, galatians 1:10 says:

'am i not trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? or am i trying to please people? if i were still trying to please people, i would not be a servant of Christ"

satan is SO unoriginal and has been attacking my insecurities a lot recently.

and i realize i put a lot of my worth into peoples opinion.

which is like one of the worst things ever.

and at the same time, i keep reading about how the Lord called me to be adopted to His family and how He can harden anyones heart He wants {been reading in romans...that's chapter 9). and why did HE choose to not harden my heart?  blows my mind.

that's the gist.

the computer is making me more hott and i need to go get unirritated! 

thankful for my country and the 4th of july!

hospitality.

today was a wonderful day.

got out of work early, and got invited to spend the day at the pool with the ortens.

it was actually the havills that invited me--which was so sweet.

i don't even really know them well, and yet they opened their house to so many of us.

and has got me thinking a lot about hospitality lately.

honestly, i've been surprised with the lack of hospitality i've seen in people i know with power.

i know it's not many, but there are several that i know who do have power.

and it wasn't until last night that stacy g. invited me to come do laundry at their house.

stacy.  of all people.  yes, i know her and love her.  

but not in the way i do to many others.

unfortunately, by the time she got back to me i was already with the ortens.

so hopefully i'll get a rain check for the end of this week.

but it's made me think, 'am i hospitable?'

do i insist that people put me out of my convenience to serve them?

do people look at me and think i'm not willing to help?

i really hope not.

and i'm hoping this experience makes me more aware of that if i'm in the flip side of the situation next time.

so, if you have something that can help others {your time, electricity, ect} let it be used for the Lord.

invite people over.  invest in them.  let them do laundry.  or just sit in the nice AC for a couple hours and enjoy their company.

these little things really can go a long way.

but after the pool we went to dinner at max n ermas which is one of my favorites!

and then we got ready for bed and mark and i played nines {the kids weren't cooperating and so jenny had to stay inside and man the fort//sleep over in the living room}

i was so glad to have human interaction! 

my family is not into games and that's what kills me.

i want to do something, other than watch tv when the power is out.

so being with them was just so nice.

the fair and parade are tomorrow!

hoping to run into many that i know and excited to let the festivities begin :)

oh hi medical student.

so just last week ashley s. and i were talking about how sometimes dr. k has medical students who shadow him.

i joked that one needs to come soon so i can be hooked up.

well, sure enough, last friday i arrive to a cute boy coming into the office!!

sure enough, he is a medical student and was shadowing for the day.

and oh did the jokes go on allll day.

barb asked if i wanted to switch sides to work with dr. k.

and when i said that of course i would be half day {and work through lunch} on the day of the student, cleo told me she would gladly switch me to do full day.

cleo and jen also said they would do some digging at lunch.

vicki {my manager} told me i could go to lunch and work after to see him.

people even said they would give him my number if i wanted. LOL.

i just love my office, and i felt that made me love it more.

they're all so fun, and i love that i can talk about crushin' on the cute med student and they not only are OK with it, but totally are willing to help a sista out!

ashley s. and i couldn't figure out if he was a college or a high school student for a while.

but turns out he was a patient at the office {info courtesy of cleo}, so i looked up his age in our records.

turns out he is only a year younger than myself....so def. college age.

is that breaking HIPPA?  let's just say no.

and while ashley s. was telling me she thought he was a high school student, to which i told her i already looked him up and he is college age,  tammy tells me:

'you know, brandon thinks you're pretty cute'.

brandon is her son who is very nice, but veeery shy.  

i'm not really into shy guys.  i tried that once with mike and it's just hard.

i'm a bit too outgoing for a shy guy.

i mean, shy is fine!  i have a shy side, too. 

but i need a guy who can at least talk to me in person or approach me in public.

mike never did, and neither has brandon {who has come for several lunches at work}.

and honestly, i'm not too attracted to brandon.

we had work today, but it was pretty slow and a handful of people didn't show up.  hmm, i wonder why.

heath and newark all have power, but not the ville.

i'm starting to think that saturday/sunday estimate might not be too far off....

as long as i can watch the bachelorette tonight i'll be alright for another day.

a cute quote said last week:

when dr. jk was about to do her physical on a man patient.

'are you ready for this anaconda!?'

and another from today.  someone called dr. pfau and said their baby was hot.

to which he says:

'well.  what do you think babies in africa do?  they're hot too.'