speed dating. and an amazing God.

last night, i participated in speed dating.

yes.  you read that right!

malone hosted their own speed dating, with all 20 of us.

it was actually really fun and i got to meet some new people.

we had 5 minutes with each person, which initially seems like forever, but went pretty fast once talking to the contenders.

there were a couple people that i wish i had more time to talk to!

and overall, there wasn't one awkward person.

there were a couple people {only 1} that was borderline awkward, but nothing bad at allll.

which surprised me because i thought some of those guys would be awkward.  they proved me wrong!

i love meeting people, but if i'm honest, it really stresses me out.

i get all worked up {partially because it has been so ingrained me in that no one would want to be my friend or talk to me} so with that mentality, it makes me exhausted.

constantly feeling like i have to impress, or that they won't appreciate the company or want me there. so i'm self-conscious.

and it causes me to read into everything i do {or they do in response}.

and i really just need to chill out but it's hard to break what you've always been told.

so i bring it to the Lord and ask Him to gently, but firmly, change me.  

remold me and remake me.

to be an imitator and mirror of Him and His true character.  

and He is so faithful.  and i believe in time, He will heal me from this.

He is a good God.

He gives me good gifts.

and i am so undeserving.

and as i was worshipping in the car tonight, 'cornerstone' by hillsong came on {one of my favorites!}.

and i head the Lord say, 'do you trust me with your relationship status?  and do you trust me that i can heal your heart from your mom and mend a broken relationship?'

and i so sheepishly say, 'yes, Lord!  i believe you can. i believe and don't doubt {james 1}.  i believe you have my relationship, or lack of, is in your hand'

and he says, 'than trust me.  fully trust me. let's discuss how'

so i dig in my quiet time to see what He means.

to go to the root of the issue of trust.

and He so perfectly says, 'i love you too much to let you stay there'

and i'm so in awe of His love and mercy for me.

He constantly is changing and molding me to be more like Him.

and i can't get enough of it.

i serve an amazing God.  can't imagine my life without Him.