modern day hannah.

this past week was busy, but i got everything done on mon-thurs so i had NO homework this weekend. whew!

i went home on friday and sat to see the lackey fam and meet Merrin. 

man, she is beautiful and i am in love with her.

it's crazy how you can know someone for .2 seconds and be head over heels. i love that about the portrait of the Father's love!

she's so tiny and so squishy!  i could just eat her up.

i had a couple good 4 hour moments with her and just felt my heart would burst of pure joy and love.

it was also awesome to see the boys and aubrey, who was my little shadow this weekend.

we did laundry, dishes, and cooking together.

and she has gotten so much more of a personality!  

she would say, 'why, thank you, ann!' and 'you're welcome!' all the time.

and her favorite was, 'where is my baby sister?!' she said that a lot.  Merrin is just so tiny you could misplace her easily! LOL.  

however, while being home with them was amazing, it was hard and my heart is heavy tonight.

i didn't know why, and as i spent time in prayer the Lord revealed to me why.

you see, i have always wanted to be a wife and mom.  it's the deepest desire of my heart, by far.

so i go home and get a glimpse of it, and think 'this is so far in my future'.  and it can be so hard and so discouraging.  i feel as if i'll never get to experience these desires.

and all within a couple minutes, i'm reminded of the story of Hannah.

she was barren, and in her deep anguish, cried to the Lord and asked her to 'remember me' and give her a son, whom she would devote to the Lord all the days of his life. 

and of course, God remembered her later that chapter and she had Samuel, who is a huge biblical character!  

He is faithful.  He remembers.  and i have these desires for a reason.

so i choose to trust Him.  and to know that He will give me patience if i need it and am single for a while longer {which very well could be the case}.

i am so blessed by the lackey family, in more ways than one. 

and it was great to spend the 2 days with them.

and i look forward to the day that i can have a family of my own and feel that love and joy on a more personal level.

but until then, i have everything i need.

and i am being given good gifts from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows......praise the Lord.  

and so i'll focus on finishing school, so i can graduate and get a job :)

God is so good to me. i pray many of you rest in that today.