this day can be done now.

today is a day that needs to be over.

not a horrible day, just ready to be done with it!

this morning it started off that i was going to take mia, the dog i am house sitting for, on a run.

i was told that would be OK.

so i call my parents to tell them to keep OUR dogs OUT of the backyard for a couple minutes so i can change and leave mia in the backyard.  

turns out, in those 2 minutes that i called home and got there, my dad let the darn dogs out.

so i get there, get her off a leash, and hear shaggy.

i instantly think "OH CRAP" and should have put mia's leash back on.

but no.  and she ran toward him.

i went to grab him and i think she thought he was at her legs and she kinda lost her balance.

so then she started going after him. 

and he's like way smaller than she is anyways!
i instantly start freaking out.

i'm trying to hit mia cause i don't want to get in the middle of it, in case she is biting him.

then, i just have to grab her neck and lay on her, while yelling 'HELP!' as loud as i can.

my mom comes out {in what seemed like forever!  but reality she was real quick...just everything in slow motion for a bit} and gets shaggy.

and i instantly start shaking.  that has never happened to me before.

i could not control it.  it was scary/weird.

then i started crying a bit just cause i was scared, not cause i was hurt or in pain.

that will totally throw you off.

so then i decided that i probably shouldn't chance taking her in case we run into other dogs.

so i rush her home, and ran by myself.

meanwhile, i am telling my dad, 

'i JUST called and told you not to let him out!'

to which he replies,

'have you never made a mistake?!'

not an 'i'm so sorry, honey' or anything of that matter.

which then made me so irritated.

can't you just be stinking sorry?!  

yes, i've messed up so so much.  but i apologize when i realize i'm in the wrong {sometimes not right away...but eventually the Spirit gets to me}

ugh.

but Christmas eve service tonight was really good....what else would i expect.

i was supposed to sit with lindsay and kelsi but they were late and it was packed.

so since i got there, oh 20 minutes early, i sat with Leona {and a couple adults i didn't know}

i know they don't mind, and are totally my church family.

but honestly?  at times like these i feel like i am intruding.

like, this is family time.  not 'friend' time.

and i feel like i am intruding and being invasive.

which i know is not how they see it at ALL.

but i still feel like that a lot of the times.

i know i know...it's stupid.  and part of the whole insecurities thing.

but i need to get to bed, so i'll leave you with what i wore tonight.

look familiar?  i wore it last with at my bro and SIL's house :)

cause no one tonight saw me in it.

{excuse the messy room. it has since been cleaned up}

as leona would say {when she saw me}, 

'ho. ho. ho!'

merry Christmas eve!