expectations.

there is one thing i learned a lot last year in school.

it took lots of digging around and was really hard to grasp.

but what i learned?  that i often put my expectations too high.

i expect and put my happiness in the situation and people i will be with way too much.

so i am going to be real here for a minute, that ok?

cause last night were the gville fireworks. one of my favorite things ever.

and honestly?  it was somewhat horrible.  truly, horrible.

disclaimer: i am exhausted.  i am burnt out.  i am so over my head. and honestly?  i don't handle situations when i get this exhausted. i can't describe it, and it is something i am praying about. but i let things bother me and get under my skin....for no good reason at all. 

so a bunch of us met at 7 right?  right.  well mitch and i are the first ones there.

and remember....he likes to be my friend in secret but then makes it totally awkward in person.

not cool, dude.  not cool.

so i'm trying to make it not work, but i'm EXHAUSTED. so i dont want to put 150% into the situation. you feel me? but i do my best.

so others join and it's fine.  a little awkward cause i still feel i am the 'newbie'.

so as i am seeing people i graduated with and talking {like jenny.  good to see her!} i get separated from the group.

well the group was headed to find tasha, josh, and their kids. so i head that way.

i'm there, and so are liv and corey. and the adults and their children.

uh sweet. and slightly awkward. like i am the 5th {or like 11th} wheel.

jeremiah was awesome. but eventually i felt so out of place.  so i decided to leave.

so here is ann. exhausted, tired, irritated and expecting it to have been a beyond amazing night.

so as i am leaving, i see the other group {mitch, amanda, caleb, and alicia}.

who all had kinda ignored me throughout the night.  like i said, i'm still new to this group!

but waht do i do when i see them?  i b-line it for the other side of the fair so i dont have to see them.

and i think mitch called my name, but i'm not so sure. 

but i see i have a txt from him saying: 'where art thou?'

umm like you freaking care where i am when you've been ignoring me?!  that is what my head said.

so i told him i was going to a family friends house. and off i went.

meanwhile, leona txt me and i meet up with her.

see tons of people at this house and wish i could have said hey to everyone. but didn't have time.

and again, was flustered. jen v told me i needed a drink.  

haha but i'm not of age.  and don't drink.  but good thought!

oh, and i see my bestie who i still haven't seen since thanksgiving. 

she makes eye contact...and we both look away. 

icing on the cake, for sure [not!].

well, amanda txted me asking me where i was sitting and i didn't want to sit with them.

cause i'm stubborn and was annoyed beyond anything!

so i ran into lindsay! and made a quick appearance at the blanket.  only to leave shortly.

honestly, i would have stayed but i knew that i was not going to sit there with people who just ignored me. no thank you.

so i sit with brandon and the boys, the valenzuelas and leona. 

and my new friends, the lonzo's.

and it was a really good night, after i vented.

walked back with george and leona and had a nice heart to heart.

and on the way back she said this to george:

'george. when you grow up and be someones friend, you need to be their friend all the time'

she is such an amazing mom and woman. and that statement has great volume.

and it was so cute as he starts discussing why that is.

but i wonder...am i a friend to someone at all times?  is this why people 'ignore' me?

so moral of the story.  i had high expectations.

and i learned last year i need to lower them and everything works out.

because when i place my expectations in others, aside from Jesus, i AM going to get let down.

cause we're only human. we make mistakes. we stumble and fall. we get back up--hopefully.

so God is teaching me, once again, to lower those standards.

and to not let my mood determine my night.

it turned out great. but i let Satan win by letting it all bother me in the first place.

so i felt out of place.....ignored.....unwanted......but who cares?! 

Jesus wants me. the King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants me.

and that is something to put anyone in a good mood--no matter the exhaustion i may be feeling.

so i take lots of blame for tonight.

and feel i failed as a human by the way i acted and thought on the inside.

please pray for me.

i want to be a light all the time...exhausted or not.

i hope your friday was awesome. mine turned out to be!

anytime i learn is a good time.

and i know i can't let myself get this burnt out.

p.s...jeremiah's brother told me that i was the only single skinny girl at corey's bday cookout. BHAHAHA. he was a little tipsy. and by a little?  i mean a lot. so maybe that means he was truthful? and it brought a smile to my face.