DTR.

how has it already been a week since i blogged?  

i thought i was going to be better at this.

not a lot has happen except...oh wait.

i had a DTR with jake.  

DTR is a christian term called 'define the relationship'

because if you're not christian, you don't need to DTR cause it doesn't matter.

but us Christians like to make things a little more complicated haha.

anyways, it was awkward.

it was midnight and i was tired.  and didn't know what i wanted.

so the convo?  yeah, i felt bad for him.

he was real pushy and ready for something, whereas i was honest and said i didn't know.

we agreed to take it slow and let things happen.

since this day (a week ago from tomorrow), things have changed.

i have seen him like once.  really?

my brothers always told me that when a man likes you, he will find a way to be with you.

regardless of how slow we're going, i just feel it's not working.

also, there were some spiritual red flags.

but i like him.  i like being around him.  i like how he makes me feel. i like his servant heart.

but i have to stay in check.

i was talking to abby c. the other day and she is so wise.

she helped me hash it out a lot.  and is going to keep me accountable.

and abbey a. has been a huuuuge help.

and brenda was amazing.  she gave me the best advice and just listened to me.

it was nice to be able to talk to her rawly and know she wouldn't think of him differently based on how i was talking about him.

and i realized?  i want a man who will chase after me.  

i want a man who finds worth and wants to be with me.

i want a man to spiritually lead me and challenge me to grow.

so, i still pray for wisdom.  and discernment.

and i pray that if things are to end {which is awkward cause we had a DTR} that opportunities open to place a friendship stamp on it all.

and in my quiet time i heard the Lord say, 

'let it go.  wait for me.  and i will provide the opportunities you need'

sometimes i question what is really the Lord, but i trust He is in this situation and has been since forever. 

and i trust He is holding His baby girl {that's me} right where He needs me.

p.s...the twins turned 1 last week.

how has it already been a year!?