night of worship, so badly needed.

last night i didn't post, but it was one of the best nights ever.

i was at our night or worship and how it was so needed.

being home feels like so long ago, but it was such a needed energizer.

just to be home, have good food, see my princesses, see my church family.

i needed every. bit. of. it.

and i was totally reminded how much i love my church family. 

they are the best.  no lies.

at church, i was greeted so warmly by so many.

was talking to the Hosler's and they were so encouraging.

then, mitch saw me and told me to, 'come here' gave me a big hug, and told me how good it was to see me.

then dan, brook, zach, bryce.....all so wonderful to see.

then night of worship blew my mind.

i started out the night talking to john and lindsay.

john asked how i was and realized i was being hesitant.

well, of course, he got down to the bottom of it and made me emotional.

i told him i was worried about my grades and how i was just overwhelmed and drained.

then, i ended up standing by him in worship.

at one point, chris said that if anyone needed encouragement, love, (and listed many other things) to come forward to they could pray for us.

so of course john starts hitting me an telling me to go up.

hesitantly at first, i went up.

and michelle e. came up and prayed for me.

i had never met her, but john told her to come pray for me.

she started praying and i got so emotional.

she asked me if i had relationships weighing me down.  uhhh, yes.  add that to the list.

then she said: 'what's going on?!' and i told her about school and how i needed encouragement.

she prayed some more and just said some amazing things.

and lindsay came and joined for a bit {then finlay got fussy and her duties called}.

then, michelle and i ended up talking just for a while.

about how God is bigger than the box we have him in.

and how i need to be talking to him so casual. and stomping my feet and telling Him i am having a bad day if that is the case.

and how through it all, it is most important to praise Him.

to see the storm, and say: 'Lord, this is hard.  but i will praise You through it'

and we talked about worry, and how i worry all the stinkin' time.

and she said i need to put it at the cross.  physically put it at the cross.

and when the bad thoughts come back in, say to the devil that God has those.  they're not mine anymore.

she talked about how God is faithful and merciful and loving and the beginning and end and all we need.  and how he might not always provide in the way we think.  but He will provide.  so we need to say that we KNOW you are faithful and that you have this.  so however you chose to do that, show me you're faithful.  He if full of surprises, and we need to let him surprise us.

see?  it was just so amazing.  and exactly what i needed to hear.

she told me she would keep praying for me.  and boy, i knew she meant it.

so tonight?  i wrote down my worries {note: these are not ALL my worries.  just the main ones right now}.

-not passing theory//clinical

-finances

-job next summer

-cultural trip

-not finding a husband

Lord, i put these at the Cross.  these worries are no longer mine...they're yours.  show me, in whatever way You choose, that you are faithful.  and that you will provide. 

He is so able, i just need to remember in the hard times.

oh, and we sang this new song that i looove.

chris wrote it:

'sing for joy, shout with gladness!

He has overcome the world, take heart!

PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM,

have no fear.

high and lifted up.

our Mighty God reigns!'

my church is awesome. and i love how so many people there are open to how God is going to use them. i want to get there. so so bad.

God has been doing some great things on my heart.  it's been a lot of refining, and i am hoping that all this is happening so that i can be so much stronger in Him.  that has to happen eventually...right?  LOL.

and tonight i had to watch some movie for extra credit.

and met a couple new brazilian guys who are in town. 

they are so cute and heather c. and i had a good time chatting with them before and after the movie.

i'm so tired.  survived monday....check!

Jesus holds my heart. so do disney princesses.

tonight was amazing and so so needed.

i went shopping with my mom today and then babysat my 4 princesses.

we had a dance party and dressed up.

{my biggest princess}

 {they talked me into this...}

when the big girls were in bed, i layed down with rebecca for a bit. 

margaret came to join. and we talked.  and talked and talked.

about boys, school, college, roommates, ect.

i tell ya, it was such a special night.

when the girls asked about me having a boyfriend, i told them about alex s.

i said i like him as a friend, and am not sure if i like him more.

i said he loves Jesus with his whole heart. to which rebecca says:

'i love Jesus and God with my whole heart, too.  and a teeny, teeny, tiny bit of my heart loves disney princesses, too.'

how stinking precious.  i wanted to die right then and there and go meet Jesus.

then, they gave me the best advice. they said:

' can't you just go on ONE date with alex.  just ONE to get to know him better?'

yeah.  yeah, i can.  thanks 6 year old and 4 year old wisdom.  what would i do without it?

rebecca also has turned down a proposal.  she likes the guy, but says: 'if i said yes, he would have kissed me in the lunch room.  and that's embarrassing. i did NOT want that!' hoow sweet she is.

it was just so so special to sit and have big girl talk with them.

they are such a blessing.

i can't believe college takes me away from them so much of the year.

what a great night.

i love nights like these.

off to church tomorrow.  another fav of the week!

oh.  have i mentioned it's good to be home?

cause it totally is.

do not try this at home.

random thoughts today.

--this is what happened in our dorm room last night. do not try this at home (or in your dorm room.  it's breaking laws!):

don't worry.  elizabeth stopped this, and then was going to perform on julia.  then julia chickened out.  so then kaylynn gave us her arm to use.  elizabeth was freaking out {so was everyone else}.  so i was talking her through it.  got on her eye level and told her 'now once you're done, push this button to retract the needle'.  well she pushed that button, alright....before she did the IV!  so we had no needle and the procedure was discontinued.  she said she was 'trying to get a feel for the button'  ohhh elizabeth, how i love thee.

--last night was celebration and it was really good.  afterwards, i had a convo with kaylynn.  she told me she felt i would judge her on stuff in her past.  really made me think....how are others thinking i am judging them?

--clinical was good this week, and it wore. me. out. only two more weeks till maturity.  PTL.

--the other morning this is how the sky looked.  i tell ya, when i see skies like these, i can't help but know that there is someone bigger than me.  and i think how my piece of the puzzle is SO tiny and minuscule compared to so much.  but then i am comforted that the maker of it all holds my heart.  how stinkin' cool is that?

and later that day was a double rainbow.  double awesome.

--i got to skype to my bestie twice in three days.  umm...awesome?  i think so.  she always makes me feel so much better.  she had to talk to me today cause there was boy drama.  one of my favorite quotes from the night:

i said something funny about alex and not wanting to go out with him and she says: 'i love you a lot for saying that'. 

--then tonight, we were talking and i got to introduce her to elizabeth.  elizabeth said 'you can totally tell you're best friends'.  tyler and i talked about how she has supposedly never worn sweats in public.  i told her she did!  IAP exam in HS.  but she curled her hair so look like she wasn't trying to be cute.  see.  we're totally besties.

then she txted me right after our convo and said:

'LOVE YOU :) and loved talking to you!  you make me so happy!  have fun at dinner and home'

--i'm home.  finally.  felt like crying earlier because the person i drove with, erik, kept pushing our time of departure back {the church is paying for his gas to come home and play worship}.  and when i called my mom to ask if i could drive myself, she said to suck it up and roll with the punches.  not a big deal, but i would have liked her to say, 'if you can get home 5 hours sooner, and it means a lot to you, then come home'.  so i was sad.  

i just wanted home. and a good bed. 

with nice meals. 

and really comfy toilet paper.  

you know.  the little things in life.

but i made it. with only a few awkward silences between me, erik and his gf...whom i just met.  and is quiet natured.

so now off to sleep for a billion hours.

night world.

a good butt kicking

can i just take a minute to say that nursing school is kicking my boot-tay.

had our first theory exam, that one i felt confident about.

well, i failed.  so so badly.  

don't believe me?  68% was my score.

can you believe it?  who gets a score that low?!

it was a low scoring exam in general, and only a few i've known who got below the benchmark of 77% that we need to keep passing.

and i'll be honest.  i'm very nervous.

i'm having all these fears that i won't pass and that i am done for and can't recover.

and i know it is do-able to catch up, but boy will it be hard. 

i'm having slight anxiety about failing and trying to keep perspective.

it's one exam, and it's just a grade.  but i need this class to keep advancing.

and i had studied for this exam, which is part of the worry. it wasn't like i slacked off.

sure, i could have studied more, but it wasn't like i was under prepared. 

my mother told me it was ok and to just keep going.

which is good advice.  and i know i just need to hit the ground running.

kayla has been a great support, as she didn't do as well as she would have liked either.

and she sent me this verse "may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him" Romans 15:13.  

she also sent me this txt: 

'girl, i'm praying for you!  i know i am struggling with this test grade and i want you to know that i am praying for God to give assurance and courage to keep pressing on....i love you Ann, we can overcome!'

made my night.  God is so good with blessing me with amazing friends.

then, i was reading in Lamentations and came across this in 3:22-24:

"because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fail.  they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  i say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore i will wait for him'"

God has a plan, and this is all fitting into it.

i'm hoping and praying His plan is to have me pass this year, while learning about trusting Him completely.

and i don't want to think about the idea of failing.  but know that would be His plan, too.  so let's pray for the former and know that He is able.  He will never leave me or let me walk alone.  He has overcome, and through His power in me, i can overcome too.

p.s...got to talk to tori tonight. what a needed therapy.

love and miss that girl.

CA girls night

tonight some CA girls got together.

me, abby, hannah, jackie, becca, and sara hung out at hannah's house.

we had dinner and chatted.  t'was wonderful.

except, abby and i have a nursing exam tomorrow.

YIKES.

i'm so nervous and could use lots of prayers.

homecoming court came out and abby and jonathon won.  how cute.

and sara and jackie are on court.  so are akash, brittan, matt and other.

look at that CA representation.

most nominees were CA's and RA's.  

sara said, 'we pretty much own this school'

ummm, pretty much!

wish i had a pic from tonight but it slipped my mind.

i need sleep. i'm tired.

this week is going to be the death of me, so if i'm not around, you'll know why.  

lots of exams and big projects.

not to mention: my acne is AWFUL, i have athlete's foot (and have for 3 years.  since europe.  i'm a bit over it!), and have canker sores.  ugh.  

only by the grace of God will i survive this week.

but church was great today and still a blessing.

i'm so excited to be finding a church that can be my 'home'.

glee.

tonight me, lily, colleen and katherine got together and watched glee.

it was so fun to all be together.

and all the day i spent studying for theory. 

my to do list is HUMONGOUS! it's stressing me out.

and my mom told me about a dream she had where i brought a 30 year old man home, named john, and said i was in love.  and then my mom, who wasn't very inviting, got told she wasn't very inviting. so she asked me: 'WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????' as if i am some dream interpreter or something haha.  

can't wait for church tomorrow! 

a word from the wise (aka...patient)

today i had a 1st!!

i got to remove my first IV!!

i know i know.  it is nothing huge.  but it is something more than bed baths and sub q's.

it was exciting.  and my patient said it barely hurt.

my patient also told my instructor that i was so nice and kind.

and jessica's patient gave her a little lesson on love.

he told her that if she wasn't sure if she loved someone, to not talk to them for 2 weeks.  and then, in 2 weeks, look at their picture.  and if you miss them, you're in love.  if not, you're not in love (this is summarized).

which is funny cause she is in a situation similar to that.  God was speaking through her 50 year old patient {who had just lost his wife earlier this year}

it was a good day.
 

i had dinner with kayla and we had a chance to catch up.

it was a good chat, and then i headed to get some homework done.

and this is what my view looked like for a good chunk of the night:
 

{who studies on a friday night?!  uhhh....me}

    

yes, studying at starbucks with my passion tea.  

if i have to study, i might as well enjoy the ambiance.  

i am exhausted from this week and have a huge theory exam on monday.

prayers would be greatly appreciated. 

i will be spending most of my day tomorrow locked up in the library.

i can just feel the  jealousy coming through the screen. LOL.

and it's not quite 10 30 and i'm off to bed!  

it's been that kind of week.

i am missing home and can't wait to be there next weekend.

sometime about home just soothes the soul.

p.s...last night our entire suite was up till after 1 am.

and we all {except colleen} had clinical this morning.

which means, we were up around 6 am. yikes.

elizabeth and the boy are no longer.  so her troops {us} were there to surround her in love during this hard time.  friendships are such an amazing thing.