revelation and babies!

so the other day i had a revelation.

this who semester i have been dreading school and just plain not wanting to be here.  not that i don't like malone...i love it!  but i am NOT a fan of the whole school work aspect.  

i just feel that i want to be enjoying my time here...all day, every day.  talk about a misconception of how college should be.  but as it is, our society tells us that these are the best years of our lives, right?

well, i have just been feeling robbed of that lately.  cause, you know, all i do is study {or use to....it's been a bit lacking of so far this semester}.

but as i have been thinking and praying about it, i've really been asking God for strength to use my studies to honor Him.  i wanted Him to give me motivation to do homework as if working for Him, not for man.  and i feel like i had a revelation that hit me like a ton of bricks.

while i am thinking all of these things, i am being so incredibly selfish.  

so much so that i am very embarrassed.

college, this journey, my calling, this point in time in my life......it's not ALL about me.....but how badly do i want it to be about me and having fun. 

God has me here for a reason and this is just a phase in my life.

just 4 short years (hopefully no more will be needed!). and i can't even be happy about it?

instead, i am complaining and all bummed that i have to be here at school. doing homework and studying for exams that are trying to trick me anyways! ugh.

i am so concerned that i am not having 'fun' all the time and being with friends 24/7.

i just want to skip all these steps and be able to do what i truly want to do.

{which honestly is be a mom.  but working with kids//babies will do until then.}

i just want to skip school and help the poor and hurting children//infants in the world.

i just want to get instant gratification and not have to work hard to get there.

see? selfish, i tell you.

i feel it's an internal battle cause i am being selfish to myself and God.

how can you be selfish to yourself?  well, you can. cause i'm not living for me.

i feel like this came at a good time and i am hoping that this will give me a new kind of motivation to do my school work and get things done.  i am hoping and praying, at least.  

and while i'm talking about babies, guess whose new babysitting job arrived into this world yesterday?!  yes, the beautiful twins!  i didn't think i would hear from the family until things had settled down and they had had a couple of weeks to get adjusted.  well as i was literally telling my small group about the job, i got a video message.  and guess who it was from?!  abby a!  she sent me a beautiful picture of her beautiful twin boys!!  my heart is so full and i am so flattered that she thought to send me a message, showing me her precious children.  i can't wait to get my hands on them!

ladies and gents

meet cameron allan and peyton joseph!

God is so good.

and yes, this does just make me smile.

i can't wait to meet them!!  i feel beyond blessed.