my heart is overwhelmed.

today i got to see the kids for the first time since august.

wow,  so many mixed emotions and feelings going on.

and it was all kinda hard on my heart.

it was a bit awkward there, which i suppose that is to be expected.

the boys were up my butt and you could tell they missed me.

after the first 20 minutes or so, it ended up being me and rachel talking.

just about life and whatnot.

we went outside for a bit with the kids, too.

they have two new puppies who are a bit crazy!!

i tell ya, i have no idea why she bought two puppies when things are already really hectic.

but if it works for them, than great!

it was also kinda awkward cause i met their new 'mommy helper'

she is in 8th grade and seemed very sweet.

she knew me as the 'old babysitter' so at least she has heard of me.

when the boys brought her up, i totally did some digging.

they told me she was nice, but not as nice.

and that they liked me so much better 

{mainly because she has only taken them to whit's twice ever, and i've taken them more LOL}

when i left, it was so so hard.

i told aidan to never forget that i love him.  he replied:

'i won't.  and i never did from the day you went away to college'

i'm not really a cried, but i totally cried at that response.

it's just hard knowing that things will never be the same.

things are forever different and not what they used to be.

i was treated like a guest, not a regular family member

(you know, when they wait on you and get you stuff.  when i used to be responsible for getting my own silverware, ect.)

it was so very different.  and yet, i almost feel a peace about it.

i was ready to be done.  i was ready to move on.

and i know that the Lord uses all things for His Glory.

{my handsome boy!}

{me and T!}

{me, aubrey, aidan}

{the ladies in the house!}

rory had told rachel the morning i came on the way to school:

'i really do love and miss ann'

which is so surprising cause usually he isn't all lovey dovey towards people.

but how that boy has a special place in my heart! 

i love them all so so much.

it saddens me that our relationship is forever chanced, yet i hope that i can maintain a part of their life.

they mean so much to me and i don't want pride, hurt, anger or anything else to get in the way of being a role model and showing unconditional love to them. 

still praying for wisdom and discernment that i wish would just hit me on the head haha.

and today, i watched the passion 2012 glimpse video that was released.

it gave me chills numerous times. 

gosh, how powerful that conference was.

i really hope i can go back next year!