some serious stuff.

i was reading online that 20% of teens will develop some type of depression before they reach adult hood.

that may not seem like a lot, but thats 1/5 of ALL teens.

those don't sound like good odds to me.

this past october-ish time, i myself was diagnosed with seasonal depression.

some people ask what seasons depression is. basically, it is depression in the winter months. with decreased exposure to sunlight, the biological clock that regulates mood, sleep, and hormones is delayed, running more slowly in winter (info from the cleveland clinic website).

the last several winters i had noticed that i just was not myself.

senior year in HS i just thought i was ready to be out of the house and on my own, and that is why i was not the ann that everyone knew.

then last year, it was my first year of college. 

so naturally, i just assumed that i was just dealing with all the adjustment that come with college. {a new roommate, being on my own for the first time, financially supporting myself, a demanding workload...you know. the usual}

{me and my bestie on move in day--august 16th, 2010}

well this year, i was out of excuses.

i did have a rocky first semester (i'll get to that at a later post), but nothing that should have caused what i was feeling.

there is a history of depression in my family, but i never thought it could happen to ME.

i am a 'people person' and found myself wanting to isolate myself.

totally a red flag.

i had trouble focusing and wanted to cry all the time--over stupid stuff.

i felt alone and defeated...all the time

more symptoms i didn't know at the time.

you would think i would have been putting the pieces together by now.

one day, i called my parents crying saying i wanted to drop out of school--probably just wanting sympathy, if i'm honest.

well, my parents (being the sympathetic people that they are), told me i might look into seeing a dr. about depression.

jeeze...thanks mom and dad!

{wow, that wasn't really what i was wanting to hear!}

it was really hard for me to admit that i might have depression.

my life was great.

i was blessed to have a healthy family, 

i'm usually peppy and outgoing,

i had the opportunity to get a degree at a private university, 

i had great friends,

i love jesus.

how could i be depressed?!

sure enough, the seemingly impossible happened to me.

and let me just say, it's the hardest feeling to digest at the time.

it's as if i wasn't depressed before, being diagnosed with depression might just make one depressed! (haha i kid, i kid.)

well, my parents thought i should treat it with prayer and exercise. which i think is an awesome idea! 

but i knew that while in school, my focus needed to be on that.

so i went to the dr (who made me feel like a total idiot and made me feel like i didn't know what was going on inside my body--thanks doc.)

but luckily, i was able to get medication and let me tell you,

i am SO glad i did.

i could tell a difference within days.

depression is a hard thing, and it has a horrible stigma that goes along with it.

but, i think it takes a strong person to say:

'hey, i am not perfect. life is tough. i am not myself. and i need help.' 

its a tough pill to swallow.

and maybe i'm biased, but to be able to put what others might think aside and get the help my body needs is something, i think, to be noted for.

you may ask why i'm even mentioning all of this now.

you see, i've been having my 'wanting to withdraw from friends' feelings again recently.

i don't know if it is due to stree with exams lingering, or what. 

but i'll be the first to admit i'm a bit concerned.

my classes start at different times each day, so i'm trying to set an alarm at the same time every day to take my meds {i don't know if that is causing a huge affect but we'll see}

now, i dont go screaming this from the rooftops--quite the contrary.  only 2 people at school know (and the second person just found out last week.) and my immediate family knows.

part of the reason i don't share is because i don't want people to see me as the depressed girl.  that doesn't define me. 

and i'm sure that pride is part of it, too.

but maybe this will help me get out of that shell.

HAH. let's be honest. no one is really reading my blog.

so its pretty safe territory!

but i wanted to post this in case someone was reading this and was dealing with depression 

(also, i want to be able to look back and remember how far i've come.)

you're n-o-t alone!

i feel your pain and confusion.

and there is NOTHING wrong with us.

stay strong. keep your head up. and get the help your body needs. 

it's humbling..that's for sure.

but i'll never be perfect--so why pretend to be?

my name is ann and i struggle with depression.

i'm a college student who loves life, my family and friends.

and i'm still a typical girl who loves to take mirror pics :]

{me and rach....my 'suite-ie'}

just coming across a small glitch in the road....