thoughts on being home

well im home and totally stressed that my room is a MESS.

i seriously can't even walk around my room.

stuff is everywhere!

but it's going to have to stay like this till after exams.

last night, i got to be with the two little men (and pretty little lady) who have all of my heart. 

as much as i love seeing them, it's kinda bittersweet.

just a side note: this family is just as much my family as my own. i am with them more than i am with my family and call them for advice more than i go to my family!  they're that special to me.

{here we are at the Greenbrier in WV at a family vaca. back in the day-- summer 2009}

you see, i'm used to seeing them 40 hours a week in the summers.

then i go to school and have major withdraw....

and then i come back at the end of the school year and feel so guilty.

i have missed so much.

they are so big.

their personalities are becoming more distinct.

and i get all down because i missed all of this that was happening.

it honestly makes my heart ache.

last night, i found out that Stella {their dog} died a little over a month ago.

a MONTH! and i had no clue!

i was never informed about this till i get there and she is no where to be found. i know they were really upset by the death, and rightfully so. but they're like my family. and i would have liked to have been informed when something big like that happens.

stuff like this just brings to my attention that i DID miss some big things.

i was gone, and they were moving on with their lives.
{which i totally expect. just hits ya hard sometimes!}

also, last night, we were discussing my medical mission trip i have to take for school. i am wanting to go to Africa--since i would love to end up out of the county doing mission stuff someday.

i was told by brandon that it was stupid to want to do that.

uhh, sorry. i can't help the desires of my heart...which just happens to be for impoverished kids in other countries.

but rachel did remind me that she supports me in anything and everything i do. and i know that. that at least made me feel a tiny bit better.

but by the end of the night, i just felt like crying! 

just lots of emotions and realizations come with being home.

plus, i'm exhausted and overwhelmed with exams soon. so i'm not being rational right now. but i'm aware of this.

i didn't get any pics last night, but here are some from xmas break.

rory and i had a little photo shoot with the space heater

we love the space heater :]

{well, hello handsome!}

 

{what a punk!}

 {and this is how i felt by the end of the night!}

boy did i look like a hott mess that day! 

and i can't forget that sweet baby girl! who is SO much bigger now!

whew. sorry for all the word vomit!

just lots on the mind tonight.

on a positive note! i talked to one of my favorite teachers tonight! mrs. walpole--who is having a baby girl in less than a week!

so good to catch up with her today before things get crazy.

AND! i went to joshua house tonight {since it's god friday!} with my friend amanda. wow...very powerful.

thank you, Jesus, for being that sacrifice that only you could fulfill, for something you never did. you bring me joy when there is none to be found, and you show me love in more ways than i deserve. thank you for dying to save me. i can never thank you enough.