minority.

since i started this blog as a way of journaling the journey i am embarking on, i guess that needs to include the times in life that aren't so peachy.  cause if we're all honest, life has its bumps. 

recently, i've really been struggling with the fact that i am single.

sounds stupid, i know. 

but heres the deal...i go to a Christian school.  

i love my school and how it has affected my walk with Christ, positively.  

BUT. with a Christian school, comes the relationship obsession.

now, what i mean by this is that almost everyone is in a relatinoship. and after dating a couple months are usually engaged. then married shortly after that. 
it just all happens so fast!

now all this is so great, and i am so happy for those who find their soul mates here at Malone--and who knows, maybe i'll fall into that category someday. but for us single ones, we're a minority.

{can i maybe get a scholarship for this?! haha. i'm kidding!}

 being single on a campus that is so heavily populated with those in relationships or engaged, sometimes, i can't help by wonder:

'what is wrong with me?'

'why can't someone care and pursue me?'

'will i ever find the one?'

most people tell me 'you're only 20. you still have time'

and i know i do!  but i'm human. and it's hard to keep perspective sometimes.

  

i know that God gives us the desires of our hearts for a reason. and i desire to be a wife and a mom so badly. but its so hard to be patient. and i know i am NOT good at waiting.  and through all this waiting i am sure it is because i need to learn something about trusting God's plan and purpose.

and i do trust Him.

it's just so hard to not get discouraged about being single.

so earlier this week, i had one of those days

where i was discouraged about being single.

these emotions come in spells, and how i hate them!

i am fine being single and know that God's love is more enough.

but oh how i long to be desired, loved, pursued, sought after.

{why couldn't i be that girl that dated her high school sweetheart, like, forever?!}

AND, to top if all off....there is a guy here who is kinda interested in me.

and i'm SO confused.

my mind goes between: 

'do i like him or do i like the idea of having a boyfriend?'

lots of turmoil going on in my heart.

i know God has this under control, but i just get so anxious!
and hey, i can't help that i'm a complete type A personality. 


but good news: i am doing better. just had a rough night.
when i get all discouraged and bogged down i try to remember...
 

God is good, all the time. 
and all the time, God is good.