i'm a night owl, along with other updates.

i have a confession.  i am not a morning person.

and not only am i not a morning person, but i am a cranky person in the morning.

my mom and i were talking today about how grumpy i am in the morning.

my mom is unbelievably chipper in the mornings, whereas i don't want to talk to anyone in the morning.

it's one thing i hate about myself! and i better get used to it since nursing will be my career someday.

so today i have been googling how to become a morning person.

i think i am going to try to become a morning person.

here is what i have found to help:

1.) get up at the same time every morning. 7 days a week. wow, i think that will be harder than it seems.

2.) don't drink caffeine after 3 pm or exercise before bed. caffeine won't be hard, but exercising will.  i like to run at night.

3.) exercise in the morning or walk to get your body up and going. light is key.  i would love to start my morning working out...that just means i start the day even earlier.  yuck.

so here goes nothing.  i guess i'll start tomorrow {maybe monday?}

theres been some troubles with bbsitting.

yeah, rachel has been in a bad mood all the time.  and my heart just hurts for the boys. i know it's easy to get frustrated with the kids, especially when they push your buttons for the 23409312398 time in an hour. i get it....i really do.

but at the same time, i feel as an adult, it is your job to instruct. 

kids will make mistakes.  they are only learning.  so give them some slack.

now am i perfect at this?  heck no!  yesterday i got mad when water was poured on me.  i rest my case.

but overall, i feel i am very patient and understanding.  where as the mama?  yeah. not so much.

i know she is tired. and i know she is basically a single parent.

and all those things are tougher than i will ever know. but you chose to have kids. 

and my torn-ness is if i say anything.  

do i mention she seems really short with them?

my mom says: 'you can't really say you're being a b****'. 

yes mother.  you are correct. that would not be the best choice.

so i'm praying that i can say something in a kind way, for the sake of the kids.  now she is a great mom and has her moments.  and i know the kids know she loves them.  it's just been bad and i have such a hard time just standing there and letting it all happen.

so it's been rough.  and i'm praying for guidance and the words to say if the opportunity were to present itself.

if she was a Christian i would approach it that way, but that can't happen.

so it's a tough position cause she is my boss.

pray with me?

it would mean the world to me.

here is a boy update {and this is strictly for myself, so that i can look back at all this.}

during the night of worship i think i forgot to mention a couple things. at the moment i didn't want to dwell on it but can look back at it healthily now.  well...you see, there were several times during worship that we made eye contact.  now, i try to not look at him during church/worship cause it is me and God time, not 'look at boy' time.  so i try to stay focused and be with my Savior.  well, a couple times during the 2 hours, i looked his way.  and one song, i don't even remember which one, i looked at him.  we made eye contact for a couple seconds--like 5 ish. and then i closed my eyes for a second or two.  for some reason, i opened my eyes again {i think i wasn't sure if he really did look at me?}.  and we made eye contact again.  after that, i kept my eyes closed and did my own thing.  but yeah.  and i know i mentioned that night he called.

then, yesterday {friday} he was walking for graduation.  so i txted him in the am and said congrats.  he replied {which was more than i thought would happen} and said that he walked that evening.  to which i said that i didn't know when he walked so i was covering the whole day by congratulating early.  he said that was a good idea and asked if there was anything i could pray for. 

uhhh, hello. wasn't expecting that.  

{and was shocked in a good way}.

so i told him for guidance about bbsitting and the conflicts with parents that have been arising {didn't go into details.  but God knows}.  then i asked what i could pray for him and he said for clarity and the continuation of a stirring for affections for Him.  i told him 'you got it' and then told him i needed to go attend the kids.

and can i be honest?  a tiny, tiny part of me wishes that that clarity he was praying about was clarity about me.  can i say that?

i don't mean it conceitedly. just...truthfully. and trust me, for the record, i thoroughly know it is not about me.

well i was thinking i wasn't even going to hear from him again when he txted me at 6:23 {yes, i did just look at my phone} and said 'graduation!!'.

so we conversed a bit and he sent me a pic in his cap and gown.

then we were txting a bit today but nothing big.
he was giving me grief for not coming to help with chairs this morning.  but i'm helping tomorrow at 4 so i don't feel too bad...actually, i do feel guilty. but whatever.

i feel my heart is just so torn.

i'll hear from him, then won't.  and i would just like some consistency either way. 

but i know this is all happening for a reason and i will take it for what it is.  a friend who loves Jesus?  absolutely.  a potential great friendship?  possibly. more than friends? who knows.  but my guess is probably not. only because i feel if it was to go somewhere it would have launched by now, since, you know...it's been almost 6 months of my attending this church. but only time will tell.

and i tell ya, God has been working amazing things on my heart to be so secure in Him.

today...i did nothing.

watched some podcasts and laid in bed.

can i say i was a bit bored? cause i totally was.

but i'll take it cause it is nice to have a break after a long week.

i watched a podcast by perry noble {newspring church in SC}. he is fabulous and i recommend him.  go search him. NOW.

he was talking about living for Christ and i felt so convicted.

i am so rude to my dad and brother because they challenge me.

but i call myself a christian?

those two don't go side by side.  i know i have been praying a lot in this area but i need to continue and try harder.

that's all folks.
tomorrow is church.  can't. wait!