MATERNITY!

today was the first official day of maternity clinical.

i loved it to pieces.  like l-o-v-e!

i had a patient who had twin boys who were only 32 weeks.

they were both in the NICU but the mom was awesome.

it was her 4th and 5th kid.

she is the patient everyone wants.

let's you do whatever and is chill.

i took out my first catheter today!!  so coool.

actually, i wasn't even with my instructor, but the RN.  susan was busy so the nurse {who is amazing!} said to just do it with her.

experience?  heck yes!

then i did my first IV push and did a hep-lock.

a good day in the nursing realm.

we also saw some heel sticks for babies and some girls gave IM shots.

i think i did more today than i did all last half of the semester.

evening clinical created a long day, but i think i like it.

i can't wait to spend more time on the floor.

i'm in Heaven.  and so so thrilled. 

i was worried if i didn't like this i was screwed for nursing.

but all those worries are put aside!

happy monday :)

happy birthday rachel: 21st!

tonight we celebrated Rachel's 21st birthday!
lots of pics, and delicious food at Cabella's.

i only have a handful of the actual good pics, but enjoy :)

happy saturday!

{all the ladies}

{my loves}

{matching coats!}

{sexy legs}

{whole group again}

love my girls.  and love good food.

a word to the wise.

the last couple days have been so productive.
i spent the last two days with the twins, who are adorable.
i think i changed like 15 diapers in the couple hours i was there.  so it's a good thing that they're ridiculously cute :)

 

{my sweet peyton}

{such a cutie!}

and celebration was great, too.

i love people worshiping our King.

then, last night i learned a very important piece of information.
there is a reason why the front row in a movie theater is the LAST seats taken.
from me to you, don't ever sit there!
that is, unless you feel like having a throbbing headache and feeling dizzy.
then go right ahead!
but if you would like an enjoyable experience, stay away from the front row!
me, jess w., brynn, elizabeth and i went to see crazy, stupid, love.
it was real cute, and we went to starbucks afterwards.
just some nice chill girl time was wonderful.

tonight will be more girl time as we go out to celebrate rachel's 21st birthday.
i love my girls....and just wish i didn't have so much hoemwork to do this week!

here are some delayed pics from sarah l's birthday a couple weeks ago.

 

{whole group}

{look at all my gorgeous friends}

 

{me and the birthday girl!}

 {silly time}

{me and the soon to be birthday gal!}

more on faithfulness.

today, during my normal dinner 'meal time' i am taking time to fast.

yesterday i was focusing on the church and the turning lane situation.

for guidance, wisdom, and clarity on what the church should do.

also, for cooperation between government and church.  and that the Lord's will be played out.

today, i am taking time to pray and meditate about school.

how i am discouraged and feel beat down.

and at the same time, i am NOT liking God's will for my life.

i do not want to be failing, and do not see where the Lord is taking this.

i'm confident that He knows what He is doing, but i can't see it right now.

f a i t h f u l.  

one of God's many many qualities. 

and how he is SO beyond faithful.

2 Thessalonians 3:3

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 

 1 Corinthians 1:9

"God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Corinthians 10:13

"And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond waht you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can endure it.

Deut 32:4

"I will proclaim the name of the Lord.  

Oh, Praise the greatness of our God!

He is the ROck, his works are perfect,

and all his ways are just.

a faithful God who does no wrong,

upright and just is he.

 

Lamentations 3: 22

"Because of the Lord's great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassion never fails.

They are new every moening;

great is thy faithfulness.

i say to myself, 'the lord is my potions;

therefore i will wait for him.'"

2 Peter 3:9

"the Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness.  instead he is patient with you.."

He is so faithful.  and i am so thankful.

and i know by His word that His promises won't change.

that sure takes off some of the pressure, eh?

she cried with me.

this half of a week at home was wonderful and so needed.

i got some homework done, but at my own pace.

i could work, take a break, chill.

it was just so good for the soul.

babysat for the gossman's and it was so great to see the kids.

they were so wonderful and we had a great time.

ryan had a slight melt down 10 minutes before bed cause he was drained.

but other than that, it was great.

and going to church was wonderful as always.

i just love my church family. they are the best.

am i sounding like a broken record yet?

plus, i got to get coffee with amanda earlier in the week and catch up on life.

i love her and her heart for Jesus.

the man who gets her heart is one lucky dude.

but when at church, leona asked if school was getting any better.

i told her no and that i was just discouraged.

as i'm talking, tears start running.  and i try to hold it all in.

she asked if she could pray for me.  yess please!

and as we're praying, she starts crying.

like tears running down her face--crying.

she was crying with and for me.

it was as if that verse about taking on one another's burdens was lived out in front of me.

i have never had that happen and in that moment i felt Jesus.

as if he was right there.  loving on me personally.

and it was so magical. and so needed.

then mitch came up and hugged us and starts saying "mmm Jesus, Jesus" in his mocking sort of way.

he totally ruined the moment....but he's my brother, so it's ok. haha.

i wouldn't really expect anything less anyways from him! 

and he apologized after wards. so we're good.

i just feel like God moves in so many huge ways {while using normal people} when i'm home at church.  it is such a blessing.  way  more than words can even ever express.

and then i got to talk to brook last night.

we're in a bit of the same boat, and it was nice to just bounce what we've been learning off of each other.

she is such a blessing.  i love her so much.

and on the way back to school i listened to Phil Wickham's new CD.

it is amazing.  and i have a feeling it will get me through this semester.

fun fact of the day:  a baby drinks the amniotic fluid.  and then pees into it.  then repeats.  how neat is that?!  loooving my maternity rotation so far!

beautiful song, beautiful children.

tonight i was with the Orten twins and had a fun night.

their vocabulary is exploding and they crack me up.

they would say: 'ann, i am poo for halloween'

and lots of other super adorable things.

i am told that louisa, when she found out i was coming, said "vacation ann loves me so much" and had her hands on her heart.

these girls melt me.

and eleanor is so smart.  we read the diamond castle and she was telling me who each character was.

and she was totally correct.  so so precious.

eleanor gave a tiny fit when she was going to bed over sleeping with the book.

but finally we got it under control.  and there was not a peep from them.

they were so tired.

they said they wanted a bath, and it was their night, so that must have put them over the edge.

but i enjoyed the extra time with them.

then becca boo was super cuddly when she came in.

sat with me under my blanked and just was her sweet self.

makes me miss them so so much.  and makes me not wait for the day i can be a mom.

as i am trying to get over my defeated feelings, it is still hard.

i never confessed, but the day i found out i failed the theory exam, i lost it.

i was in the library and thought no one was near me.

so i cried.  and cried and cried and cried.

i was trying to be quiet, but was losing.

so, naturally, there was someone beside me.

my roommate from last year, sarah b.

she came over but i wasn't really wanting to talk.

not to mention, our relationship wasn't the best, so she wasn't someone i wanted to talk to.

i just wanted to wallow in self pity.  but then had to stop so i wasn't distracting.

i'm having a moment where i just want to cry over it again.

and tonight i am feeling a little lonely.

was watching say yes to the dress and it makes me want that for my life.

so so badly.  

more than anything else.

but on pandora, i heard this song and love it.

makes me miss my bestie.

oh, and i scheduled my first 'woman dr.' appointment for christmas break.

how lovely.

happy friday.  fall break is flying by. 

but everyone at malone is sick....so perfect timing for us to be away.

babies, songs, and skies.

the other night i got to spend time with my twins!
not mine, but the ones i babysit.  they are precious.

so so tiny, and so so sweet.

i know i don't have much longer till they keep me on my toes.

they literally slept the whole time.

peyton is a gem! like, the baby everyone wants. 

real chill, just goes with the flow.  i'm told that's like his daddy.

cam?  he's so sweet too.  but he is a little more high maintenance :)

he will be asleep, then scream.  but as soon as i pick him up, he falls back asleep.

he just wants to be held.

which honestly, i'm totally ok with at this point!

i can read and do homework while i hold a baby.  sounds good to me.

{cameron}

{the little precious ones!}

{sweet baby peyton}

 

they are such a blessing.  i am so lucky to get to spend time with them.

then, the other morning, there was a beautiful sunrise.

for some reason, i always experience these beautiful skies with elizabeth.

so we started talking about how i feel when there is something that beautiful, i just feel like God is saying. "hello, i am here!  no need to fear.  i got this"

and elizabeth chimes in and says: "this is why they call me sovereign.  painted this this morning.  NBD"

i nearly died laughing.  i totally could see God just saying "why do you worry?!  i am God.  not you."

it is a constant reminder for me.  and i feel i've seen them a lot.

maybe God is trying to tell me something about His sovereignty.

{this is why they call me Sovereign}

so so pretty.

i am home this weekend for fall break.

and man is it good to be home.

slept 12 hours last night and am still so tired.

got to babysit a little last night for the cowies and the orten's this morning.

have a little more babysitting to do still!

and can i just say that i live in the PRETTIEST place ever.

every time i come home i am overwhelmed by its beauty.

oh, and i heard this song that i looove sang at NewSpring church. 

here are some of the lyrics:

God of all creation, king of all the nations,
Universe declares his praise,
Can you hear it rising over the horizon,
Come and join redemption song,
Its YOU, God its You.

praying i have a restful break.

while still getting some things accomplished.

i keep thinking it's saturday, but how it is not!

so happy thursday!

discouragement

lots of discouragement today.

had theory today, and it didn't go too well.

and by that, i mean i failed.....again.

i don't know what to do or what to think.

i just want to thrown in the towel.

i know God has a plan, but honestly?  i am not a fan of it right now.

i am not seeing the purpose for all this, and am not wishing this to be my plan.

why couldn't i have been failing freshmen year and known this wasn't my major?

what if i have to start all over again?

what on Earth is going on.

i'm a bit emotional, and just feel defeated.

i'm praying for strength.

fall break is in two days.

it is so needed.

christmas morning and nashville flashback

tonight was the annual Christmas dinner with CA's.

we dress in our P.J's, bring a gift, and eat breakfast food.....at night.

it was so fun.

i brought a starbucks giftcard, and left with one!

i had a jar of pickles at one point--note to self: the shape of a pickle jar looks a lot like a candle and a mug.  which is what i thought i would be getting!  fail.

but marcia traded with me.  it was so unnecessary of her. and i'm thankful.

no pics, but it was a blast.

it makes me remember that this time last year i was on my way back from nashville with my bestie.

who is now in chile....without me.

we visited jameson and lydia and ty had to do some stuff at vanderbilt.....so i toured the city with j-man.
so in memory of Nashville:

{so cool to be on that stage! me and j-man.  got asked if we were on a date.  funny.  he was my date to sophomore year homecoming!}

{best friends. the end}

{love us. ty, me, lyd}

{show at grand ole opry.  so surreal}

{main performer.  the Judd's were the night before}

{little vegas....or something to that effect}

{then we got stuck.in.traffic.  for house.  going 0 mph.  so we took pics.}

nashville, what a great city you are!

church was awesome this morning.

love that place with my whole heart.

and my student, melissa went too.  she wants to go back!  yay.

theory exam tomorrow.

i'm so nervous. anxiety through the roof.

praying for knowledge and understanding only He can give.

OR rotation and girls 'study' night

this week was the last week in clinical.

i was in the OR and it was so neat.

the nurses there were amazing and wonderful in every way.

i saw a re-sectioning of the colon, due to cancer.

it was a robotic surgery, and about to take a whopping 8.5 hours...with 2.5 hours of prep.

needless to say, i didn't see the whole thing.

but i saw the first chunk and it was so neat.

there was also a student dr. there, named sarah, and she was so sweet.

she was telling me things about the procedure and including me.

at one point, we couldn't see, and she said:

'follow me.  we'll go somewhere we can see'

i will miss lori, our awesome instructor.

and now we go to a hospital 30 minutes away (gulp!)

we weren't allowed to keep our badges. 

{yes, i did have my flu shot!}

last night, elizabeth, kaylynn and i went to elizabeth's house.

we studied some, and did a photo shoot.

we were laughing so hard, i was crying.  

and i may or may not have peed my pants....only a bit.

{hello.  we look beautiful here.  huge forehead and all!}

{we tried this 'hear no evil', 'speak no evil', 'see no evil' thing like 2130923 times. this is one try}

 {and we FINALLY got it right!}

elizabeth and i talked till 2 am and it was so good.

i love these girls so much, and it was a needed night of work//fun.

studying the rest of the weekend away.

huge patho and theory exams this week. 

in less than 4 full days i'll be home.

i do hope i survive.

{yes. i do love them to death!}

nursing induction!

several random things today.  this is how i found my toilet paper.  

and today, we got officially dedicated into the nursing school here.  

it was rainy today, so me, abby, julia and elizabeth rode in the car down. and we got slightly soaked still.

i was chosen to lead the class in the benediction.

it says "i dedicate my life to the services or God through the profession of nursing.  I pledge to demonstrate caring by acquiring professional competence, Christ-like compassion, and sincere commitment to God and to all humanity"

then, i got a message from tyler that makes me miss her like CRAZY.

"I just need a good friend to laugh about this with.... i just MISS YOU!! because i know you could make me feel 100% in no time. we would laugh about how it is possible that emily is so mean, and sam is with her even though she has a big nose. that was mean. but you would know i wouldnt mean it. I already feel better just having a fake convo with you in my head. okay well i think i am going to download a movie and stay up late watching it.... let me know if you get online!
xoxo
your crazy best friend who hopes you didnt read all of this because it is a mess."

makes me want to get on a plane to visit her, asap.

and it is breaking me that i can't. 

ready for fall break to be here.

i don't know if i am going to survive.

big exams at the beginning of next week.

please pray i can have some supernatural wisdom and knowledge, from Christ, to know all i need to know.

flu shots.

not much going on today.  got my flu shot.  yuck.

i'm very anti-flu shot.  there are so many strands of the flu, that there is no guarantee this will even work.  so why have the unnecessary pain?! plus, it builds my immune system if i don't get it.

but awesome nursing made me get a flu shot.  so i did.

was super productive today.  which is good.

now i just need to keep it up so i survive these exams coming up.

oh, big news. 

got tickets to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn!

the first part of the fourth book for Twilight.

i am a Twilight fan, and proud of it!

got to talk to tyler a bit today, too.

what a great feeling.

i have the best friend ever.

canton sunset

last night was sarah l's bday and we went to macaroni grill.

then to homecoming dance for a bit.  t'was a good time!

i didn't take one pic, but they'll be online soon.

i am a bit overwhelmed with school.

and i feel like alex has been everywhere.

every meal, church today, sarah's bday stuff.

and tonight i went to the library to be productive.

low and behold, who comes around the corner when i'm in the corner of the library?

you guessed it.  i am just feeling a bit cramped for space.

but tonight?  there was just another beautiful canton sunset.

 

God is so good.

1st fridays!

tonight i went to my first, 1st friday :]

it is a big art-ish thing in downtown.

lots of jewelry making, painting, dancing and singing.

every 'first' friday of the month.

my floor went with our 'brother' floor, and it was a blast.

here are some pics to show.

oh....and my patient today went to get an TEE (transesophageal ecocardiogram) and i got to go with her.  such a cool procedure.  and margaret was a trooper. 

she is my gma's age and i just kept thinking about my grandma.

margaret was here without any of her family {she told them not to come cause she just had in infection...but on top of ESRD}.  she told me at one point that talking to me made her miss her daughters.

and she told me that when her daughters were pregnant, she would have a thing called 'tea and sympathy' when they would call all upset about life. how awesome is that?

she was such a sweet woman, and i feel beyond blessed to have spent the day with her.

after her TEE, we went to get her permanent cath for dialysis taken out.

she was about to have a fistula put in, but we ended up waiting too long and i had to go.

she asked if i would pray for her to get back on her feet and home again.

you got it, dude.

like i was saying....first friday. so fun.  enjoy!

{we totally crashed some AWESOME drumming session.  all these younger kids were dancing.  it was incredible.  i don't know if they enjoyed us dancing with them.  but it was fun!}

 {this guy was a mini justin beiber.  he sang 'baby', 'somebody to love', and 'without you' by chris brown.  we stood in the front row and sang at the TOP of our lungs. his dad video taped us.  yep.  pretty much made our night--and his :] }

{some dinosaur thing}

{whole group!!]

{how many people can you fit on a couch?  the answer is 6!}

{all the ladies}

{inside some fish sculpture.  sean dared me.  it was a bit tight around the hips. LOL}

{all the ladies on the fish....and seans butt}

{me and rach}

see?  so fun.

i am (yet again) feeling so overwhemled with school.
had to go to bed early last night cause it was taking every ounce of me not to cry about everything.
staying awake was getting me no where. so i slept--or tried to.
i need fall break....and it is still a few weeks away.
oh man. lots to do.

i'm off to bed! fund raiser in the morning.
enjoy the weekend!

late night talks, and lack of sleep.

i've readlized one of the best things i like about college is staying up way late having long conversations with my favorite people.

last night, elizabeth and i had an awesome heart to heart.  

it was so good to talk about life...and haiti.

then, colleen joined in.

i was informed that i am SUPER animated {which i knew}.

but here's the issue.  i am animated when things go GOOD.  and when things go BAD. 

so someone confides in me and shares things, and i over exaggerate.

not on purpose....that's just me.

and i am hating that right now.  cause it comes off as so judgmental. 

so i ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep last night.

ugh.  not enough.

and had clinical all day.  which was real good.

my patient is has ESRD {end stage renal disease} and is near her end of life.

sad huh.  someones mom, grandma, great grandma, and (soon to be) great great grandma.

i had the women's bible study tonight and it was really good.

some of those women are extremely full of wisdom and knowledge.

and i feel like i want to get there.

and as i think about why i can't get there, i wonder if it is because i am so stubborn.

i feel God has been shaping me for months now....so why am i still being shaped?!

did i just really have lots of bad areas? that are all being brought up now?

or am i just not willing to do what it takes to change?  or not know what to do and how to do that?

i'm guessing it is the later.  just cause i know how i am.

but here are some pics that have been describing my life lately.

{i spend a lot of time looking at my awesome lights}

{love studying..mmm!}

i'm tired.  and have a million things to do.

and don't know how on EARTH i am going to get it all accomplished.

i pray God gives me the strength to do lots of work and get it all done.

El Shaddai

so i told you about my friend michelle who prayed with me last weekend while at the night of worship. 

when she was praying with me, she kept praying that i would let God be my El Shaddai.  

of course, i had no clue what that meant. so i researched it and here is what i found:

El Shaddai. The All Sufficient God.

Shad means "breast" in Hebrew (Gen. 17:1; 28:3; 35:11; 43:14; 48:3; 49:25; Exod. 6:3; Num. 24:6; Ruth 1:20; Job (various references);  Psa. 22:10; 68:15; 91:1; Ezek. 1:24; 10:5; 23:21 etc.). Occurs 48 times in the Tanakh.

In Genesis 17:1, YHVH said to Abram: "I am El Shaddai. Walk before me and be perfect."  So why did the LORD choose to reveal Himself using this distinctive Name to Abram?

Most English translations render El Shaddai as "God Almighty," probably because the translators of the Septuagint (i.e., the Greek translation of the Old Testament) thought Shaddai came from a root verb (shadad) that means "to overpower" or "to destroy." The Latin Vulgate likewise translated Shaddai as "Omnipotens" (from which we get our English word omnipotent). God is so overpowering that He is considered "Almighty."

According to some of the sages, Shaddai is a contraction of the phrase, "I said to the world, dai (enough)" (as in the famous word used in the Passover Haggadah, Dayeinu -- "it would have been sufficient").  God created the world but "stopped" at a certain point. He left creation "unfinished" because He wanted us to complete the job by means of exercising chesed (love) in repair of the world (tikkun olam).

Jacob's blessing given in Genesis 49:25, however, indicates that Shaddai might be related to the word for breasts (shadaim), indicating sufficiency and nourishment (i.e., "blessings of the breasts and of the womb" (בִּרְכת שָׁדַיִם וָרָחַם)).  In this case, the Name might derive from the contraction of sha ("who") and dai ("enough") to indicate God's complete sufficiency to nurture the fledgling nation into fruitfulness. Indeed, God first uses this Name when He refers to multiplying Abraham's offspring (Gen. 17:2).  

wow.  how perfect that was and i had just met her.

Lord, i pray that you help me to know and believe that You are El Shaddai.  be my all-sufficient God.