when stuff happens.

well to say that the last 48 hours have been a whirlwind would be such an understatement.

my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has spread all throughout her body.

yesterday the doctor said 5-7 days is her time expectancy.

we started her on hospice this afternoon.

i have cried lots and lots.

my grandma has been my biggest supporter and encourager for every phase of my life.

i cannot imagine going through some vital periods without her support.  selfishly, i want her there for m

even today she said to be (when we were talking about the boards).

gma: we've been over this (in a loving tone, not condemning).  everything you were worried about has turned out so great.  you will do great.

see?  she has always been there pushing me along.

making me believe i can do it. 

having full confidence in me.

she literally has been the best grandma anyone could ask for.

these next couple days/weeks will be so hard.

lots of unknown (which is so not conducive to a college schedule, especially when you're 2 hours away).  lots of taking it a day at a time.  which for this type A personality is sometimes rough.

so please pray for her.

for her peace, for her comfort.  for the comfort of my family.

also, my greatest prayer is that she comes to know the Lord in these last few moments.

lady vikes.

well it's been a while, and a lot has happened!

first and foremost, i'm officially on spring break.

which means i'm half way done with my SENIOR year of college.  wow.

someone please explain to me how that happened. 

also, tonight abbey's team played in the regional semi-finals and WON!

they played so so good, and it was so awesome to support her.

they play again friday and i can't wait to go! (they have been playing in columbus so it's nice and convenient for me).  

the Lord has continued to bless me in my wednesday night bible study, each week getting closer to a new woman.  it's amazing.  i'm so thankful. and i really missed being there this past week.

i did not do very well on my last test, but i know that the Lord is faithful.

lastly, the more i am around children, the more i see the darkness of my heart.

it is sooo hard to selfless. and patient. and kind.  

i see how long my heart has to go until i reach (or get closer to) the gospel idea of selflessness.

jeeze. 

Create in me a new heart, O God. 

as i get overwhelmed with the neediness of kids and the own selfishness that i hold onto, i am reminded of something i recently read.
about my utmost need to depend on the Lord.
and how i cannot breathe, talk, walk, speak, and yet alone be spiritually influential without the understanding that i NEED God.  each and every moment.  no if, and, or but about it.

and i'm brought to my knees.
in humble spirit that i cannot do this alone.  but am in desperate need of His power and His presence in me. and that is the only reason i am going to get through each day.

and a cringe a little {at my own heart}, and sign a little because His grace and His mercy cover me.  by His wounds i am healed.
thank you, sweet Lord and Savior.