happy halloween.

tese next couple of weeks will be filled with homework and such, so back to the weekend.

there was the homecoming game on satuday.

malone was winning when we got there {which was only for halftime} and then they LOST!

it was tragic.

anyways, sara, abby, jess and i went to see halftime stuff and be supportive.

i was such a proud mama cheering and taking pics.  so fun!!

{it was coooold.  sara, me, jess, abby}

{my favorite.  miriam and janet.  she's waving to her parents. so precious!}

{such beautiful women, inside and out}

today, rachel, miriam, janet and i played euchre.

rachel and i won.....oh yeah.

we even placed some bets--ramen noodles, passion tea, coffee, and a sunkist drink.

we're rebels, gambling at malone.

and while we're talking about rebels....we bought a candle warmer tonight.

it's really a scentsy.  but we're pretty sure its illegal.

but it smells soo good.  YOLO.

annnnd it's halloween!

yet, i kept forgetting.

we won't dress up.  or go trick or treating.

but we will study and live large by taking trips to gabriel brothers.

and i wouldn't want it any other way!

switch.

yesterday, i had my LAST advising meeting appointment {or my undergrad career} ever.

so hard to believe.  almost a senior and finished with this phase that people say is the 'best days of our lives'.  feels like just yesterday i was in the quad for the main event.

in some ways, these have been the 'best years', but im optimistic that they won't be the only ones.

after my meeting, at dinner, we played a new 'game'.

it is played when you and others are laughing and you yell SWITCH ANN and i would have to go from happy to sad as fast as you can, while i switch emotions. 

it is one of the most fun things to do!!  just try it.

mid laugh, trying to watch someone stop laughing, is hilarious.

gideon, micah, maria, janet, me, miriam, rachel and sara were in the cafeteria all laughing and yelling 'SWITCH' for a good 10 minutes. gideon and micah are the best at calling switch.

oh, i love my friends.

speaking of friends, they are awesome.

i am overwhelmed with school {majorly} and babysitting has been a bit more consuming than desirable.

and my friends have been so encouraging.

also, clinical was cancelled today....which was amazing.

we are getting effects from the hurricane sandy and a lot of places are out of power.

sooo when i should be studying for my test tomorrow, i'll be stuck babysitting.  ugh.

i will post more about the fun-filled weekend tomorrow.

but here is how i spent a {very} small portion of how i spent the weekend.

the lack of studying just might be why i am stressed.....but that's just a thought.

{jess abby and i went to starbucks to study.  love them!}

....photo won't load...i'll get back to that later!

top banana.

friday night, was the banana split eating contest. 

what is that?  only the best event on campus!

you pick a theme, do a stage performance, make a sign, and then eat a banana split. 

our theme was the history of malone and it was so good.

it was so fitting because it was homecoming weekend, too.

i was emma malone and we just blew it out of the park.

however, we did it all like 10 minutes before we had to be there--which, if you know me, cause me to be a WRECK.  i'm not a last minute kinda gal when it's in front of others. 

we had to go first and just started off with a bang!

we had walter and emma malone {the founders}

than byran osbourne {who made it cleveland bible college to malone college}

than gary strait {who made it malone college to malone university}

than dr. king and winnie {the current president and his life}

the guys did an awesome job too, singing a song about how good it is to be men.

they did awesome and it was a close call between the two of us.

there were different categories: fan favorite, best stage performance, fastest banana split eating, best sign, and top banana.

alas,  we were the 'top banana!'

i had never felt more proud of my girls.  it was sooo fun and our pic will now be in the barn.  

woot woot!!

{before the event!}

{after eating the banana split.  apparently i don't know how to eat without my hands.}

{all of us!}

{the men! brad, cody, luke, tom, jake, gideon, brittan}

{winners!! kayleigh, me, sara, janet, rachel, miriam}

{wooo hooo!}

{top banana.}

p.s...i had never inhaled a banana split so fast.

and the camera guy was RIGHT in front of us.  fun.

i think i felt slightly nauseated the rest of the night LOL.

not bad, just not in a position to eat anything else.  

but, an experience everyone should have at some point in life!

these are the days of college i love.

and the days i will remember forever.

holy weekend {of fun!}

holy moly this weekend has been off the hook.

so much fun stuff going on, it's been ridiculous.

and more pictures have been taken than imaginable!

it has been so wonderful.

so much laughter and not enough sleep or studying {for those two tests that i have this week}.

we will start out at the homecoming king and queen coronation.

{senior} women court was miriam, becca, and rachel.

{senior} men court was jake b., james, and alex s.

on thursday, they crowned king and queen: alex s. and becca b.

so proud of my many friends on the homecoming court. 

i am surrounded by such amazing people.  

at the coronation, there was a super sweet slideshow for the seniors.

i can't believe it is senior year already.  wow.  times flies.

enjoy the pics from the beautiful night.

{before the big announcement!}

{the beauties!  miriam, becca, and rachel}

{the king and queen!  alex and becca}

{my ladies}

{funny pic}

{my favorite.  love them.  my response to this pic:

'put this in black and white and you're golden'}

so. much. fun.

i left so many pics out but it was just such a wonderful night.

i love my friends.  what a big blessing they are to me.

becca--what a deserving woman you are for this title.  such an amazing woman of God and i am blessed to call you a friend.

rach and miriam--i love you and can't image any others who would be more fitting to be on court.  you're the best and i love doing life with you!

when we rode bikes.

two days ago, we went on a bike ride!

i got out of clinical early and had some time before babysitting.

so, miriam, becca and i went on a gorgeous bike ride!

the weather has been in the 70s all week and it has been amazing.

i know this will be the last of these days till like, april! LOL

{oh my cheek bones! they look so good here....this is not an accurate portrayal of them}

{love these ladies.  annnd i missed the memo it was a funny pic haha}

i love them!  and love these beautiful days.

next couple weeks have a LOT of work.  

brace yourself.  this could be stressful.

my life. currently.

if this doesn't describe my current status in life i don't know what does:

hectic. crazy. messy. unorganized.

fall break was so so good, and it was so good to see those i work with/babysit for.

but it was exhausting, to say the least.

and i feel i am still paying for it.

i've been so drained the last several days and i don't know why!! 

but on a happier note, i went to clinical today with hospice people.

i sat in on a family who was choosing hospice for their mom/grandma.

i tell ya, i tried so hard to hold it in and not cry.

it is so sad to see those mourning.

and so hard to not think, 'this could be me with a family member soon'.

the nurse i was with was amazing and had such a heart for it.

and then i got to babysit {which was even more exhausting, but fun}

and then went to bible study with the women from church.

they are all SOOO wise and i was reminded of that tonight.

i need to be in community with them more to learn and be sharpened.

i can and am learning so much from them it's unreal.  but i love it.

annnd while at starbucks, my "crush" came up to our bible study group and said hello.

then he said to have a good night {there were only 3 of us!}

i could have died and went to Heaven right then and there.

....ok.  i might be exaggerating a bit but let me enjoy it :)

Lord, give me strength.  strength only You can give. help me to be moment by moment dependent on You alone.

His love is not conditional.

today, at church, it was awesome.

they say started with going to breakfast with brook, mitch and joey {whom i just met}

it was so yummy and the boys paid...even better.  

{kinda kidding...but i do appreciate when men are gentleman}

then, we went to church, and by the first song we sang my heart was POUNDING.

sometimes, when i feel from the Spirit, my heart does that. 

i can just feel it, but don't know how to describe it.

anyways, i got that feeling.

and i said to brook, 'i am nervous.  this is not good.'

so john starts the message by saying it is a lecture on covenant and our covenant with God.

and then he said there would be an altar call--even though this wasn't the typical type of message for an altar call.

and he said he wanted those to come up and stand at the end, and then others to come and give words from the Lord.

well my heart was pounding even more!  i knew this was gonna be me.  

so i prayed that the Lord would give me a peace and allow me to focus on Him.

but i asked Him to bring to my attention the area He would need me to go up for.

so all sermon i thought it was about forgiveness and my family.  but i wasn't sure that was it.

then, as the sermon ended, i got that feeling again.

and john says, 'if the Lord is talking to you right now, you need to not hesitate and come up.'

so i stood up and as i stand the Lord says,

'we're gonna talk about my love for you. and how you're lonely.  and how you don't need to be.'

so it came to me.  this is what we were gonna address.

so i stand in front of the altar, along with many others.

john asked those to come up and pray with us and be so discerning about a word for us.

and a woman starts to come and pray with me.

i instantly knew it was michelle and was sooo thankful!

{last year at this time she prayed with me when i was discouraged with school and prayed about God being the el shaddai}

so she started praying in what sounded like tongues, but i couldn't understand.

so i'm still standing there.  praying.  and my heart pounding like crazy.

then john says, i want to encourage those of you who haven't given a word to the person you're praying with and speak to them.  but i need you to have discernment, he said.

so michelle comes up and gives me a word.

and i wish i had recorded it cause i want to remember every word.

here is what she said {it will be a bit paraphrased}:

the Lord wants you to know that He loves you so unconditionally. He does not love you because of something you did and does not love you less for something you didn't do.  He loves you so much and just wants you to know that. it is not conditional.  He just wants to love me and hold me in His hands.  she said that she also felt like there was a disconnect because of my relationship with my Earthly father.  {to which i said 'mhmm'} than she said that the Lord wants to break down walls that i have up and he wants to show me ALL of Him.  even the sides that might not be too pretty.  she said that she also see a vision of me with my hands open wide and so ready for all that the Lord will show me about Himself.  and that she has faith He will show me in such abundance that i won't be able to comprehend that--and she prays He does show me more than i can comprehend so that i don't put Him in a box.  

wow.  she hit it on the head.  that is exactly what i needed to hear.  and that's the first official time someone has accurately had a word for me.

{we did it at bible study and it was somewhat accurate but not like this}.  she had SO much discernment and said she just knew she was to come and pray for me.  

so we're praying for just those things.  

that i am open to knowing more and ALL about Him.

that He breaks down the walls that i have up that put characteristics on Him that aren't true.

and that He shows me specific times where i had built those walls.

that i can feel His love and let Him have all of me.

God is so good.  

and i am so glad that He still speaks today.

and so thankful for those who have a heart for Him and such discernment.

He spoke to me today. and i knew it the minute i walked in that door.

the Spirit was so heavy today.  

i love you, Lord.  thanks for meeting me where i am at. always.

the prettiest.

every time i come home i remember how beautiful my home town is!

seriously.  it is so gorgeous.  especially in the fall.  

work has been amazing this week, and i totally was reminded by i love it there.

it hurts me to think i will not be working there {more than likely} after college.  

i just love the staff and people i work with and for.

and i love the patients.  they are so much fun.

i worked with dr. knobeloch today and just loved it.

i feel bad cause i feel none of them want me, but he is so patient and soo knowledgeable! and i love learning things from him.

i have missed those ladies, and their welcome was wonderful.

however, it is making me tired! i am not used to being on my feet all day.

my babysitting for tonight got cancelled {hallelujah!}.

it allowed for time to get some homework done.  oh the joy!

i got coffee with brook last night and i just love being with her!

excited for her and how the Lord will use her to revive her family.

have i mentioned that i am reading a dating book from my RD?!

i feel kinda desperate.  but i love this kinda stuff LOL.

happy friday!  i looove me so weekends :)

love the roomie.

can i start by saying i love my roomie?

she is just so wonderful and a big blessing.

we just laugh so much together.

last night she even said,

'remember that one time you had 17 tabs open on your computer?!'

bhaha.  that had happened earlier that day.

she's on homecoming court {so is miriam} and i would be happy if either won!

and i got into a good convo with my RD about dating.

she gave me this book and i can't wait to start reading.

there is this new song by britt nicole that i love.

it is called 'hanging on':

'without you i just can't get by, so i'm

hanging onto to every word You speak, 

cause it's all that i need.

hanging onto every word You say,

to light up my way.

even every little whisper, i'm hanging on as if it were my life.

i'm hanging on.'

so so good. 

and break starts today!

excited to see people at AHN all week/weekend.

hoping i can pick things up quickly and not be a bother.

ta da.

last week we had our last clinical.

ta-da!

our instructor natalie was awesome and made this experience so awesome.

by far my favorite instructor so far.

and good instructors are like gold!!

{kienyn, paula, elise, jess, me, natalie, katie w., elysa, hannah and megan.}

this week is fall break after wednesday.  hallelujah!

i am scheduled to work more than i wish i was, oops.

tomorrow will be a super long day, including a theory test.

pray that it goes well and i am prepared!!

also, went to evening church tonight {which was cancelled so it was dinner at the romans}

it is always so intimidating to go because clicks of people go.

but the Lord has been telling me to be more intentional about being involved in church/bible studies more than just on sunday.

so i made myself go!

and i had a good time of fellowship.

and people guessed my pictionary word correctly. SCORE!

weekends...why must you go so fast?!  

let the 'lasts' keep comin!

today was the last ever pediatric rotation.

this is SO weird to say!

as the days go on, we are constantly checking off things that bring me one step closer to graduation.

how surreal is all that?!

never again will i walk into akron children's {well, more than likely}

and honestly, i'm not too sad about that.  

although this experience was really positive, i don't know if it is my forever type job.

but today, was it.  now i move onto psych. 

which i'm not too terribly excited about either, but it's a little more low stress, which is always appreciated.

{me and jess on the drive home! whew.  so glad i got to be with her this rotation!}

we've been through a lot together in nursing school, and it was so nice to get to finish a clinical with her {again}. 

she has been such a job in my life.

and i can't believe we're really getting closer and closer to graduation!

let all the 'lasts' keep comin', they'll be many more in the near future!

and heres a pic just cause he is so darn cute!

i just love this little face!

the check that never got cashed.

today i remembered that 2 summers ago, i wrote a check that never got cashed.

i had made a check out to someone for a bible study book and it never got cashed.

i saw it at their house, being used at a bookmark, but thought it would have gotten cashed.

sure enough, i checked tonight, and it wasn't.

in times like these, i'm amazed at the kindness of people's hearts.

what would possess someone to do that? 

worst of all, it was someone with the initials mcm.

someone who doesn't want my heart, but so unwillingly has a tiny part of mine.

but he never cashed the check.

and i want to know why.

why play with my heart strings like that?!

why be so kind to me?!
but i can't sit here and wonder about the check never cashed.

some people just have good hearts. and like to give.

and i'm thankful for those people.

they give me hope for the rest of humanity.

tomorrow is my last pediatric rotation, ever.

encouraged to go and share some kindness.

um. long day.

today was like the longest day ever.

i was gone from my room from 8 am-10 30 pm.

whew!

i had a full day at clinical {which was sooo hard.  it was at a mentally handicaped school but all we could do was observe.....snnnnnail day!}

and then i babysat.  which was so great!  but i was so done, they were so done, we all were done.

but abbey and brian hadn't seen them in 24 hrs due to a funeral so i had to keep them up.

but it was fine.

and then i got coffee with abby at her house.

i just love her and her heart and how she pushes me to Jesus.

but now i'm exhausted. and beat.  and just want sleeeep!

really struggling with being single right now.

and wanting to be wholly satisfied, but feel i can't because of the desire to be in a relationship. 

ugh. 

holding on to truth!

christ alone. cornerstone.

every once in a while it's nice to get off of facebook.

today, i deactivated it for a bit.

it will just be nice to not have all the comparisons and such.

i've already ran today and studied for a test later this week, as well as listen to a sermon.

i love how productive i can be without facebook!

this weekend at home was good.

didn't see my parents a whole lot, but got to spend a lot of time at church.

i went saturday night, sunday morning, and sunday night for night of worship.

it was so so good.  and sooo refreshing.

and at the same time, it was a bit discouraging.

a couple there are in new stages of relationships and it makes me soo overjoyed!

but it makes it hard to let Satan creep in.

and for me to get impatient that once again, i'm waiting.

but God is faithful.  and i will wait as long as i have to.

homecoming court came out and of the 10 chosen, 4 are people i live with!

how awesome is that?!  proof i am surrounded by awesome people.

{and honestly?  i'm a bit sad i didn't.  but i know a lot of them voted for each other}

my new favorite song from this weekend is 'cornerstone' by hillsong.

it says:

'christ alone, 

cornerstone.

weak made strong,

in the Savior's love.

through the storm.

He is Lord, Lord of all'

boy it's so good.  

i looked up what a cornerstone is and it says:

'an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based'

oh man i want that tattooed on me!

that's so solid. 

i'm so so tired and off to bed at 10:50. 

clinical tomorrow with little kiddos.

praying it goes well!

scarfs

it's that time of year.

the weather is cooling off and scarfs are perfect attire.

this is how we looked the other day, without any coordination!

we did a mini photo shoot.  love it!

{we're beautiful.  or sexy--which i'm told i now say a lot.  oops}

{upside down!!  notice the shoes.  those were key}

{suite mates!  love them!}

{roomie love!}

went home this weekend and so far so good.

although i hate to say it but i'm REALLY missing my church in canton!

solid teaching, for sure.  

at home it is too, but i'm seeing a difference more and more {i think}.

night of worship....so so excited.

annnnnd its 10 26 and i'm off to bed. 

soo nice to a.) sleep in my own bed

and b.) get more than 6 hours or sleep.  holla!

lobby showww.

tonight there was a devol hall lobby show and it was wonderful....mostly.

the first two acts were really good but the last one was a bit rough.

it was still awesome to be there with my girls!

however, i am feeling discouraged tonight.

i am feeling the tension of being single. 

i am feeling the weight of the conversation i had with jake. 

i am feeling the impatience of waiting on the Lord's timing. 

so pray for me. 

pray for my patience and perseverance.

pray that i can keep perspective and honor Him in my singleness. 

pray that His word becomes alive and active in me today. and everyday.

and pray that i can choose to see His goodness {cause yes, it can be a choice most of the time!}

and while we're praying, pray for my time at home this weekend.

going home makes me nervous for lots of reasons.

can't believe we are done with week 7 of classes.

and 1/4 of the way through senior year....WHAT?!

i'm so not ready for this.  

mentors are awesome.

the other night i stayed up with abbey a. till 12.

we got to talking about life and a lot of amazing things.

i was able to share with her some stuff i haven't before.

i was able to learn things about her that was new.

and it's times like these that i am reminded why we have the body of Christ.

how essential and crucial it is.

and just how amazing and powerful it can be.

she is such a blessing, and it saddens me to know i won't be in the area after this year.

i don't want to leave their family!  not.one.bit.

i just keep remembering the time when i prayed so long for an intentional mentor.

and how at the perfect time, He brings her.

because of our age closeness, i think she is more like a big sister.

but a mentor in so many ways, too.  

i just love her.  

and praise God for her.

whose the source?

two nights ago i got to get together with one of my best friends, rachel wor.

we've been friends for a little over 2 years and she is just such a blessing.

she has helped me so much in my life, and was a huge support system when i went through my initial years of seasonal depression {which i'm praying is healed and won't come again this year!}

but she was there.  and so patient.  and so encouraging, even when i was a brat.

she's just one of those forever friends.  

anyways, on my way home from dinner/hanging out, i got a call from jake.

he wanted to get together and talk....and i was immediately kinda irritated {if i'm honest here}

we are done.  we have had this conversation.  why beat the dead horse?

but i told him i would.  so i get back at 10 45 ish {which is late for me.  and crankiness starts setting in} and call him and try to discuss this over the phone b/c it was raining.

but no such luck.  he wanted to meet in person.

so we did.

and you know what?

i was instantly and completely humbled.

it was not what i thought it would be {which i thought he was going to say he wanted me still}.

oh it was the opposite.

he said he needed to apologize, and proceeded to say {in the nicest and most apologetic way possible} that he had feelings for his ex and had used me, unintentionally.

i was that rebound girl.  the one no one ever wants to be.

um.  ouch. 

how do you take that?

how do you hear someone say 'i used you'?  

how do you hear someone say 'i choose her over you'?

i think shock was the initial response.  and is still a present emotion.

just last week he was singing my praises and i said no.

and now he was saying this.  talk about a quick change.

but in all of this, i'm SO thankful.

if you think about it, this is a huge blessing to see the hand of God.

last week i was frustrated and didn't know why God told me to 'let it go'

and i got to pretty immediately see why he said no.

because he knew Jake's feelings and heart more than jake did.

and He was totally protecting my heart.

and this thought literally blows. me. away.

i mean, how often do we get to see His hand so clearly?! {and at the same time it has encouraged me to try to see the hand of God in little things, too}

but in all the conversation, i kept thinking how faithful God is.

how he REALLY does have my best interest at heart.

how He is a father who gives GOOD gifts. even when we can't see it at the moment.

this time last year, my life song was "never once" by matt redman.  but it was the song because i was so discouraged and failing my nursing classes.  

now?  nursing classes are wrong.  but this is still my theme song.

because He is SO faithful.  and this just proves it once again.

and i could sit here and feel insecure, upset, or sad that jake told me he used me.

i mean, i don't think anyone has flat out told me that before. 

but i can choose to say that Jesus is my source.

He is my source of joy.

He is my source of contentment.

He is my source of strength.

He is my source of true value.

He is the source who has victory over Satan's attempts to tell me i'm not good enough.

and when i have Him as my source, He protects me.

and i can be so happy for jake and his ex heather.

i don't have to let this steal my joy, but can rejoice in their happiness {or possibly getting back together}

so those are my thoughts the last couple days.

the Lord has just been showing my so much about Himself since Haiti, starting with the love i felt from Brenda and Jerry. 

it has been so unreal.  and i pray He continues to move in big ways

but i skipped chapel today to study for a theory test in 45 minutes.  

so i guess i should study. LOL.