love day.

yesterday was valentines day!

i got to spend most of it at clinical, which was probably a good distractor haha.

as i was reflecting on the day, i had several thoughts:

first off, it was easy to have pity that i don't have a boyfriend, and lots of people around me do.

almost immediately after that, i was so blown away by my Lord and Savior.  

and all at once, i found myself in awe with the fact that i serve a Savior who pursues me each and every day....not just on valentines day.

and at the same time, i feel excited and comforted in the promise that i will have a Valentine of my own some day.  it may be far away, it may be next year.  but the Lord is faithful.  and so good to me.

and then?  being single doesn't seem so bad.

when you get to experience the love and grace and mercy that He pours out, being single isn't all the badness it is cracked up to be.  

do i long for the day i am married?  absolutely.

but no relationship is going to last if i first don't understand my worth and value that can only stand in Christ.  

i trust that He has given me everything i need for today.

and that He is not withholding good gifts from me.

and that He is refining me still to be a better wife and mother than i was yesterday!

plus, when you have amazing friends who love on you and show Jesus to you on the days when they're single and you're not, you feel even that much more blessed.  they are awesome.  and God is so good.

hope you not only felt loved yesterday, but every day.

almost 5 years.

last night, the impossible happened.

not really, but something i never thought in a million years would.

i have a friend from germany {i met when i was there for 2 weeks, almost 5 years ago} and we skyped last night for the first time since that summer.  we have been messaging regularly over these 5 years but never more than that.  until last night.

i was worried it would be awkward and there wouldn't be anything to talk about, but 1 hr and 34 minutes into the conversation i realized that clearly wasn't the case.  i ended it at that time to end on a good note.  if it isn't obvious, this friend is a man.  a cute man who loves the Lord.  a lot.

i am so thankful for our conversation as it was uplifting and encouraging.  but i also have no idea if this will ever go anywhere, ever.  my guess is it won't, since it hasn't already in these last 5 years.  but you can be praying for wisdom and discernment on how to act/not act.  

at some points, i scream "Lord, take him out of my life if he isn't supposed to be there!" and other times pray, "Lord, help him to be captivated by my heart, if it is your will".  i just want some definitive answers here! haha.  

anyways, i have no idea why the Lord has continued to keep him in my life, and just have to trust that i don't need to know or i would.  but the 'waiting to see why this all happened the way it did', is hard.  and i need patience.  but regardless!  i am encouraged that there are men out there who have quality. and it's enough encouragement to hang on and not settle. these men may be in texas and half way across the country, but they exist.

so 5 years.....here's to 5 more! LOL.

(any of you have these type of stories?! friends who you met traveling that you keep in touch/don't keep in touch with?!  or am i alone in this?!)

modern day hannah.

this past week was busy, but i got everything done on mon-thurs so i had NO homework this weekend. whew!

i went home on friday and sat to see the lackey fam and meet Merrin. 

man, she is beautiful and i am in love with her.

it's crazy how you can know someone for .2 seconds and be head over heels. i love that about the portrait of the Father's love!

she's so tiny and so squishy!  i could just eat her up.

i had a couple good 4 hour moments with her and just felt my heart would burst of pure joy and love.

it was also awesome to see the boys and aubrey, who was my little shadow this weekend.

we did laundry, dishes, and cooking together.

and she has gotten so much more of a personality!  

she would say, 'why, thank you, ann!' and 'you're welcome!' all the time.

and her favorite was, 'where is my baby sister?!' she said that a lot.  Merrin is just so tiny you could misplace her easily! LOL.  

however, while being home with them was amazing, it was hard and my heart is heavy tonight.

i didn't know why, and as i spent time in prayer the Lord revealed to me why.

you see, i have always wanted to be a wife and mom.  it's the deepest desire of my heart, by far.

so i go home and get a glimpse of it, and think 'this is so far in my future'.  and it can be so hard and so discouraging.  i feel as if i'll never get to experience these desires.

and all within a couple minutes, i'm reminded of the story of Hannah.

she was barren, and in her deep anguish, cried to the Lord and asked her to 'remember me' and give her a son, whom she would devote to the Lord all the days of his life. 

and of course, God remembered her later that chapter and she had Samuel, who is a huge biblical character!  

He is faithful.  He remembers.  and i have these desires for a reason.

so i choose to trust Him.  and to know that He will give me patience if i need it and am single for a while longer {which very well could be the case}.

i am so blessed by the lackey family, in more ways than one. 

and it was great to spend the 2 days with them.

and i look forward to the day that i can have a family of my own and feel that love and joy on a more personal level.

but until then, i have everything i need.

and i am being given good gifts from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows......praise the Lord.  

and so i'll focus on finishing school, so i can graduate and get a job :)

God is so good to me. i pray many of you rest in that today. 

pedal to the medal!

well, this week started off with our first critical care test!

and we survived.  {although not sure if i technically passed LOL}

it was a fair test, which is so appreciated, so i will feel fine, even if i don't do as good as i would have liked.

pray for strength this week.  i'm already starting off tired.

and i've got a lot to get done if i'm going to enjoy my weekend with a precious newborn and her sibs :)

good news is that i've made great progress today, and i'm praying that keeps up.

nothing else to report.  

just ready for friday morning to be here! 

oh.  and 3 months from today?  i'll be a college GRADUATE!!!

if that isn't a happy thought, i don't know what is :)

merrin juliette.

well my sweet 'niece' has a name!

merrin juliette k-l

it's unique, and growing on me.  {i thought lylah was gonna win!}

but i can't wait to squeeze her and love on her!

i'll be going home this weekend to spend time with them.

praying i can be productive and get homework done early/efficiently so i don't have any this weekend.

i was the 2nd person to know the name--behind taylor--so i felt loved.

things have been crazy, so pray for a smooth transition and quick recovery for mama.

this morning, i got to lead sunday school for the 4 and 5 yr olds with coach walker's wife, allison.

she basically is amazing.  and i want to be her when i grow up.

or if she would be my mentor, that would be cool, too :).

but now, time for bed. 

big theory test in the morning...send some prayers my way!

i'm back.

wow.  it's been almost 2 months since i've been on here.

i went through a phase where i felt that social media was invading my life.

i took a break from facebook {am back now} and just hit a point where i didn't need people knowing about my life because, really, those who need to know already know.

i felt i needed to be more intentional, not just via media.

hence, the blogging break {which lasted longer than i thought}.

anyways, i have realized that blogging can be a great way to journal, and i want to remember these days in life!

here are some highlights of the last couple months:

--had my last christmas break, ever 

--Lord willing, spent my last bit of extended time at home.

--started my last semester of college and had my last 'first-day-of-school'.  holla!

--spent NYE with some amazing friends, and then got the flu for the first time ever.

--learned how to knit and made a beautiful green scarf that i wear often.

--have been working out with the women i live with a lot this semester.  we're set out to get toned! i've been leading the circuit workouts and loooving it!

--oh!  started critical care nursing rotation.  and it's not as scary as i thought it would be--whew :).

that's probably it.  except the most recent and exciting thing.

on 1-30-13, i wrote this in my journal, "Lord, will you engulf me today? will you pursue me today and show me your love?  i invite you to show me just how active and involved you are in my life.  capture my heart."

that night?  i got a txt around 10 pm saying that my 'unofficial' niece would be here within the hour!  welp if that doesn't show my heart more than anything, i don't know what will. 

rachel and brandon, about an hour later, welcomed {another} beautiful baby GIRL into the world!!!  i was 110% sure it was a boy.  i am still SOO shocked but my heart couldn't be more full.  i have not met her yet, but am hoping to next weekend!  i've seen a couple pics and she is precious.  i just want wait to get my hands on her.  

at the same time, pray for my patience and understanding as i haven't heard from them much.  i know it's a busy time for all, and look forward to hearing from them when they get a chance!

that's all, for now. feeling more like a real nurse in clinical, which is encouraging.  and ready to go into precepting soon! 

hope to be back here to periodically update!

...happy weekend :)