trees trees everywhere.

well last night i was on my way home from the cowie's house.

all the sudden it's torrential downpour and trees falling everywhere.

they were rolling onto the street, and i could barely see.

it was the scariest thing ever.

i kept seeing 'death by tree accident' on the obituary LOL.

and i'm 100% sure that it was by the grace of God that i survived unharmed.

i got trapped at several places and didn't know if i would make it home.

i was driving on the side walk at one point and praying a car didn't come the other direction cause i couldn't really see anything.

i got home and my parents and neighbors swore they heard the 'freight train' that every one talks about.

and now we're out of power as of 5 pm last night......5-7 days is the estimate of power return.

{we have a small generator so this is how i have internet access}

it's noon and i'm BORED.

i've already gotten my run in for the day and there is not much to do.

i could run errands but all the stores are closed too.

it's gonna be a long weekend!  

{maple tree down on mulberry street}

looks like i'll be plenty caught up on my sleep the next couple days seeing i'll be livin like the amish and off to bed when the sun goes down!

the poop deck.

the other night rachel, taylor, aubrey, rory and i went to 'bella' the restaurant.

it was so stinking good! 

great italian food with lots of cheese/carbs.

and amazing blueberry cheese cake to follow.

i had come straight from work and so i was in my scrubs and wore some of taylor's clothes.

the shirt she lent me just so happened to be from 'the poop deck'.

no, i'm not joking.  it's a restaurant in the bahammas.

and i wore it down town, struttin the poop deck restaurant!

all the while coming across some very attractive college men.  go figure.

{me at bellas. yum. such awesome ambiance.  beautiful tables, chairs, and flower beds to seclude the seating.}

then, last night at work a women had to get her daughter to children's hospital for breathing difficulties.

well no one had jumper cables and the grandparents car died in the parking lot.

{i briefly knew the family from church}

so i offered to go home and get my jumper cables and come back.

cause honestly, i would want someone to do the same to me.

so this morning, dr. knobelock {they were his patients} made me this padge.

he said he was pulling in as i was leaving the parking lot and showed up just to make sure.

but all in all i consider it a blessing to be able to help them.

so i wore this padge....for like 3 seconds.  

and then the story got too hard to explain to people so i turned it around LOL.

you never know what little things in life there will be.

love the tiny surprises and way i can help.

busy week, lack of sleep!

firs things first.  

the other week i BIFFED it down the stairs in my house.

i mean seriously had a huge bruise on my butt.

and it hurt for days.

as if that isn't enough, i proceeded to show it to rory one day cause he asked. 

like, really ann?? oy vey.

last weekend i got a call on the way to bible study that abbey, brian and the boys were at the cols zoo.

they asked if i wanted to join so i turned around right then and there and left!

i spent the day with them and boy was it so needed.

poor peyton was miserable and didn't feel well.

but it was so great to see the boys--they're so big!

and to have some time to chat with abbey about life.

we even went to the water park which is always my favorite.

i got to meet a lot of brian's family and they were all super sweet!

i took a picture with peyton but in one of them my top is all whacked up, and in the other i look demonic cause of my eye angle.

better luck next time haha.

last night i spent too many hours, and too much money, at easton with tyler.

i've been struggling a lot with the friendship.  not feeling like a priority, and even thinking that i'm done wanting to be a priority.

still working through all that and trying to make sure it's not just my stubbornness or lack of confidence.

but it was great to see her for the first time in a looong time.

and while i spent too much, it was good to get some stuff for Haiti.

which, btw, i leave for one month from today. YAY!

i talked to brenda on the phone the other night and it made me so excited to go.

she was so real with me about the trip, and is someone who tells it how it is.

i love it when people are like that.  and i know we're going to get along just fine!

and tonight?  i ran 5 miles with mitch.

it was a great conversation and just friendly.

we even talked about the Lord.

it was a beautiful night and i am glad i got a run in!

due to all this activity, i've been lack of sleep lately.

and each day is getting a bit harder!

and i've been dealing with some sinus stuff which has given me a headache and sore throat.

luckily, the worst of it is hopefully over and i'm on the mend.

i'm thankful for my health, and my jobs!

and the ability to run with the legs i have.

and i'm thankful it is bed time.  and that tomorrow is thursday.  meaning the week is almost over!

every monday.

every monday i get excited.

it's monday, and as much as i hate that the weekends are over, i love my monday evenings.

after a long day of work, i get to go to the orten's and watch the bachelorette.

not only do i love it for that reason alone, but mainly for the fellowship.

tonight, mark is out of town at a conference and so it was just the ladies: me, jenny and larsen.

we talked and ate and just had girl time.

jenny shared some stuff about her past {as mark and her ex bf were having a beer.  small world}

not that i don't love when mark is around, but it was so nice to just be girls.

we even did some facebook creeping.

i just love when people are real.

they share about their life and what makes them who they are.

when people are vulnerable and just raw.

i just love it so much.

and i feel that in those moments is when relationships go deeper and stronger.

and these conversations and moments are such that make life so much more valuable and worth while.

i am so blessed by larsen and jenny.

their kindness, genuineness,  loving-ness, and their ability to love me where i am at.

flaws and all.

and i feel like these relationships are ones that the Lord had in mind when He made friendships.

but i don't know.  and i could be wrong.  but i just have a hunch :).

so another monday is gone. 

and it's so so late.

but i get to say that another monday has come and gone, and the week is in full swing.

and i look forward to another monday, next week, with the amazing people in my life.

and p.s.  while speaking of mondays: 

in 4 mondays i'll be getting ready to leave for Haiti.

yeah.  that's a good feeling!

those other gods.

today at church we talked about hosea 3:1-5 {which is the whole chapter}

along with that passage, we did a lot of talking about how the jewish marriages in that time are used as such symbolism in the bible.  

and i realized that there is a LOT of symbolism i have missed in the past.

and then we talked about the parable of the 10 virgins--how 5 were ready for the bride (aka Jesus) and 5 were not.  and then todd {the youth pastor who gave the message} talked about how those 5 virgins were unprepared, short-sighted, and distracted.

unprepared in not being in the Word daily and knowing what He says.

short-sighted is spending time elsewhere, such as playing video games for 4 hours a day and not spending it investing in relationships or in time with the Lord.

distracted by the things of this world that seem oh so delightful.

todd challenged us to think of ways we're like these virgins and man the Lord spoke to me.

he told me that my body image has become my god.

as in, the body that He created and formed to bring Him glory is something i place above him.

it consumed me.  all day, every day.

i worry about calories like it's my flipping job.  and i don't ever like the weight i'm at.

it's my god.  and it's consuming so much of my life and happiness.

the way that i want approval from people?  yeah, that's also a god.

i need to be talking to people at church {or other events} to feel included. loved. worthy.

just today i was feeling like no one wanted to talk to me.  it matters so much cause it's a god.

the way i'm extremely insecure about everything?  another god in my life.

 

why can't i just accept that my body is the way He wants? and He loves it for what it is.

why can't i get over the fact that not everyone has to like me for me to be loved? {and if i'm a true believer there will be many who don't like me}

why can't i walk confidently in the fact that i am a daughter of the King of the universe who loves and desires my HEART?!  {which happens to be the well spring of life!}.

so tonight i went to the place where i had my first kiss.  

i feel it represents so much of myself--where i let a boy take a place in my heart that was not meant for him.

the place where i let a boy in, and in exchange, yes, there was temporary happiness and excitement and thrill.  but ultimately got a bag of hurt, insecurity, and approval issues.

i wanted his approval....and i got it.  but not for long.

i wanted him to think i was beautiful...and he did.  but not long enough.

i wanted him to want me....and boy did he!  but only till someone better came along.

in no way, shape or form do i blame him.

and in no way do i think of him as some evil guy.  {a lot of blessing came from the situation}

i made him an idol.  i put him before my relationship with the Lord.

and when you do that with anyone you get hurt and disappointment. 

but the thing is, i've let them be carried by me WAY too long.

so as i went there i laid all those burdens out to the Lord.

my insecurities in myself, my need for approval and a 'perfect' body. 

my burden was heavy, but His is light. i'm ready to exchange them out.

and honestly? i don't really know how.

but through lots of prayer it will be a process that i'm sure the Lord can work in.

i do know i want to be one of those 5 virgins that are ready for the groom!

i don't want him shutting the door to Heaven on me saying, 'i don't know you'.

gosh, i don't want that!

so i'll fight to do better and be more prepared.  cause there is always something i should be doing better.

and today was just so stinking good!  such an eye opener.  

after church i went to aubrey's 2 year old party.  

and got to do one of my favorite things...bake!

church and baking in the same day?  yes please!

i then got to talk to brenda tonight from the haiti mission trip.

she is such a sweet southern lady and i love her already.

she was so much more personable on the phone and i can't wait to meet her!

those are my thoughts from today.

hope your weekend was great, too. 

another week to come....and another week closer to Haiti! :)

father's day cookout.

saturday afternoon we had a father's day cookout at my bro and SIL's house.

it was so fun and we just got to hang out and eat good food.

{littlest sister and biggest brother}

{me and my main man!}

{dad and aunt lori!}

kelly found out about the ring my mom gave me and that caused a little bit of hurt feelings that came out.

i feel really bad and don't blame her one bit.

i guess i am kind of at a loss for how to act.

today at work, i had a moment where i came out of a room shaking.

i literally had a death grip on a little boy.

he was asking for his shots before i came in, but changed his mind quickly after.

he got 4 shots and boy was he strong.

me and the mom held on so tight {which was impressive because most mom's don't get a good hold of their kids and their arms}

i didn't even get to put the alcohol on the legs because he knocked my cotton ball off the bench and i was not about to move the grip to get another!

he screamed bloody murder like none i have heard before.

and i walked out shaking....but i survived.

and i am still so thankful for my job and all the experiences i am getting :)

i have been getting to be with taylor l a lot this summer and i love it.

she is so sweet and i want her to be my buddy this summer.

hooked on jeni's.

the other day at work was super defeating, and i was having a rough day.

for no reason, really. was just being really sensitive.

and i feel like i should be doing better than i am.

cleo got a little irritated with me and i took it personally, when i shouldn't have.

but i kept praying for strength, and i got through the day.

and friday night i got to spend it with miriam.

oh my gosh how i love that woman.

i met her at easton and we went to jeni's which was soo yummy.

it was my first time and i'm hooked.

her sister and brother went with us, too.

it was gay pride week in the short north and there were some interesting people, to say the least!

none of us were expecting that, so it was quite the adventure LOL.

we got to talk about life and Jesus and it was much needed.

i am so thankful for her and can't wait to continue building our friendship as we live near each other next year.

{the server was totally flirting it up with her.  she's a babe :) 

i got the dark chocolate flavor...it's heavenly.  now go try some!}

summer homework. complete!

the other day i ran with my brother and completed my 'homework' assignment for evangelism bootcamp.

while i don't know how much detail i can go into, i will say that my heart is breaking.

breaking for how lost some people are who don't even know it.

people just think that if you say thanks for your blessings, you don't need to be engaged in a relationship with the Lord.

and oh, how dangerous it is to be in that place.

at the same time, it puts me in such an overwhelming grateful attitude for my unbelievably undeserving relationship with the Lord.

to have my heart softened is such a blessing and i am so undeserving.

today at work it was really good and then i babysat.

i took rory and ren {the neighbor boy} on a long bike ride.

they did awesome and it was so fun.

we had to stop twice on the way back but i didn't mind {there were some big hills}

i had us run to my house to get my bike, then bike ride, then drop my bike off and run to their house.

when ren saw my house he said:

'now that i know where you live, if i go by your house i'll have to say hi!'

i told him i would really like that!  don't ya just love kids?!

i do :).  so so much!

then i did an amazing 6 mile run with karen tonight.

i felt great and could have kept going but it was getting late.

i am so thankful for her and her encouragement in life.

she said a couple compliments that really meant a lot to me.

now i have lots of energy and don't know how i'll fall asleep haha.

but i am just so thankful for my life and how much i am blessed.

God is so good to me.

i get to spend this summer doing not one but two jobs that i love!  and i have been spending a lot of my extra time running with great company.  life has been so good.  

yes..i'll go ahead and give God all the glory for it!

{my favorite teenagers--taylor and aly!}

happy wednesday!

hope this week keeps flying by!

modern day moses.

today i sis a suture removal all by myself!

2 sutures on his head.

boo-yah.

then the bachelorette was on so i got to watch that.

i love wednesdays :).

i am really praying a lot this week about how to evangelize.

and who i am to talk about my faith with.

pray for the open mind to hear who the Lord wants me to chat with, as well as the words to say.

sometimes i feel like i am similar to Moses....i never know what to say and often stutter.

but it's not about ann.  it's about giving glory to the Lord.

and He will give me the words to say if i am faithful.

the other day at evangelism boot camp i had a 'first'.

we were praying, me and two other ladies, about the week ahead.

and after praying the one women said:

'joshua 24:15 is coming to mind.  i don't even know if that is a verse but it's on my mind'.

so i look it up and it's flipping highlighted in my bible!

it says,

"but if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord"

so so good, and so so fitting for my evangelism needs. 

my immediate family needs Jesus, but i am saying right now that my future family WILL serve the Lord!  

holla at that!

he gives us the world.

today was just a wonderful day.

i got to babysit for a while the pinsky's but it was just the baby and the 2 year old.

well the 2 year old slept for four hours!  

so i got to hold, hug, and love on a baby all day.  while getting paid.

so so therapeutic and just wonderful!  

then i got to babysit for the orten's.

and gosh do i love those girls so much.

i let the big girls stay up late and play games.

then i stayed up with them talking in their beds.

rebecca is alllll girl and i love it.

right away starts asking about boyfriends and the boy she likes, hayden.

{who jenny has informed me is quite cute!}

at one point i talked about having a crush but that it's OK if people don't like you back.

because Jesus loves you and it just means he has someone better in mind.

margaret's response?
'and God is always taking us on dates.  cause he gives the world to us'

gosh i love her.

and then they told me i was the most fun babysitter cause i don't say 'your mom wouldn't like you to do this' all the time LOL
{which is contrast to yesterday when aidan and rory told me i am more bossy than their 14 yr old babysitter}

then, margaret's 't' from her name fell off her bed and we started saying 'margareeeee'.  and kept laughing.

i wish i was going to the beach with them so badly.

i just miss them and can't take being away for so long.

rebecca asked if i was coming back tomorrow.  

i wish, girlfriend!

last night i was struggling with being impatient and short with the boys.

and tonight i just had a ball with all the kids.

thankful that some prayer and a change of heart was totally evident.

so thankful for all their girls!  

they let me love on them and fill that small part of my heart's desire and i am forever grateful.

spiritual warfare

the other day i mentioned getting the book Spiritual Warfare from my haiti team.

i had the day off work today so i got a chance to start it and WOW is all i can say.

it is an amazing book and is speaking to me on many levels.

instead of writing in my journal what i am learning so far, i'm going to write on here.

{sometimes it's easy to say 'i am getting a lot out of this book of the Bible!' to only know the chapters you're reading--not really taking time to listen to what it is saying to you}

1.  i am learning that Spiritual warfare is everywhere.  that may seem really obvious, but it wasn't to me.  we even talked a bit about this at bible study how there are lots of demonic powers, but they are hidden so well by the enemy that we don't classify them as what they are.  while some cases are easier to classify, just the simple fact that Satan is on guard every stinking minute is imperative.  

2.  with that, it is important to not over value or under value Satan.  if we over value him, we give him a position that is not rightfully his.  if we under value him, it is easy to slack {like when you're in battle and are always more lax if you don't think an attack is coming soon}.  we are told to be sober, alert, serious, and vigilant for a reason.

3.  with that, Satan cannot do anything without God's permission {like in the book of Job}.  Satan is merely a fallen angel {angel means messenger in greek}

4.  His purpose and desire is to be glorified in our life.  Satan tempts us in order to keep God from being glorified.  we have an enemy that is intended on robbing God of His glory in our lives.  God is glorified when we are conformed to the image of Christ and live like Him.  He is glorified when we abide in Him, live the Christlike life, and are filled and controlled by His Holy Spirit.  He saves us, redeems us, restores us to a relationship with Himself, gives us a new life in Christ, and fills us with His Spirit not exclusively for our blessing but for His glory.  {much of this was quoted from the book.  good stuff}

5.  when we act in ways that are contrast to what God tells us to do, someone is deceiving us.  Satan works in the mind.  if he can get us to doubt the Lord's word, he has done his job. 

on a personal note, i feel my depression that i have struggled with is completely a spiritual warfare.  i let Satan sneak in and tell me things against the truth.  one of the examples in the book was when we wake up and think 'it's going to be one of those days.'  that thought is not of Jesus, for we are told this is the day the Lord has made, to rejoice and be glad in it.  

i need to hold my thoughts much more captive.  i need to start memorizing scripture to fight these spiritual battles.  i am in love with this book and can't wait to see what the Lord teaches me through it!

sutures...check!

today i removed my first set of sutures!

they were from a lady's fingers and there were 3 of them.

such a fun accomplishment :)

this week has been forever long. 

i have the day off tomorrow {with the exception of some babysitting} so that should be nice.

plan on doing a little running and some sleeping/relaxing!

the other day i got a package from my haiti team in KY.

they sent me this book that they're going through and i felt just so overwhelmed with joy.

the fact that they took time to send me something, despite the distance, was so kinda of them.

the book, Spiritual Warfare, looks really good and i look forward to reading it.

7 weeks from today and i'll be in Haiti.

wow, that's crazy!  

but i am so ready for this amazing trip.

i saw amanda and mitch uptown today when i was with aubrey.

mitch made aubrey cry {cause he was a stranger} 

brandon replied, 'well, he must not be the one.'

bhahah.  he may have a point!

 

 

the caboose is graduated!

the gardner caboose has graduated!  

how crazy is that!?  no more gardners at GHS.  bitter sweet.

{GHS classes of '06, '06, 2012, '09, '03, and '04.  whew!}

{my favorite pic of the night.  me and my sis!  nope.  we didn't coordinate!}

we had a great day of celebrating and having fun with the family.

then i went to our night or worship....looking smokin hott might i add :).

it was such a great time to give Honor and Glory to my King.

and it's crazy to think that the next night of worship i'll miss cause i'll be coming back from haiti.

how the heck is that possible?!  

i'm a bit sad b/c i hate missing them...but am excited for all God has in store for me in haiti.

{annnd mitch asked me to go running sometime.  weirddd!. and i sometime i want to say 'what do you want from me?!' LOL}

had womens bible study and just love them.

love their wisdom and just want to soak it all up.

and today at work i had a kid throw up on my the first time.

yeah, that was fun.  except not quite LOL.

karen c. and i have been on a running kick!

been doing 6 miles of berg HILLS every couple days.

i forgot how much i love a regular running partners!

two jobs have been awesome but leave me little time.

i'll try to post more.

babysitting the boys has been awesome!

yesterday we had finger mustache's and it was hilarious.

i love love love them!