leap day.

happy leap day!

this is a thought that connects to yesterdays post about this not being last semester.

i was thinking and in quiet time yesterday.

and i have been trying to realize what makes this different than last semester.

and i think i realized that it was Passion 2012.

i may be wrong, but i just remember coming back so refreshed.

i was so on fire and just had that time to spend 4 days in the Word and learning more about the Lord.

how could that not give you a new energy?!

well for me, i am pretty sure that's what did it.

it gave me that extra 'uumph' that has been able to keep me going.

and when i think about that, it really overwhelms me.

because the Lord had to know me so well, before i even signed up before this trip, to know that it was exactly what i needed.

He had to know those relationships and things i was learning were things that were so valuable.

{and so much more valuable than any amount of money i could have made in those days if home}

and maybe it wasn't because of Passion.

but i have a good feeling it was.

and once again i'm in awe that He works in the way He does.

He never ceases to amaze me, and i don't know why i am surprised when He does.

went to a roots bible study tonight and we're in Genesis with pastor randy.

it was really good and i am glad i can join now that i am not in clinical wed. night!

this is NOT last semester.

as the week is going on, i am getting closer and closer to spring break!

monday's theory test went good (an 84% which i'll take!).

as i have been thinking and reflecting about where i was this time last semester, i am overwhelmed with how amazing God has been through this all.

this time last semester i had failed my first 2 exams and was feeling extremely defeated.

last semester i didn't want to do nursing and just felt like it was all hopeless.

but as elizabeth pointed out,  this is NOT last semester! *insert screams!*

it was also this time that i went home and had a night of worship.

was able to break down and be surrounded in prayer by those who love me.

leona cried with me, and michelle made it an effort to keep me in her constant prayers.

it amazed me with how supportive and loving they all were.

it was their support (as well as some girls here at school) that got me through that semester.

i am beyond blessed to not be having a repeat of last semester.

to be passing the class (booo yah!) and feeling more secure.

i got the chance to be with abbey and brian and the boys and won't see them for 2 weeks!
i don't know how i am going to survive. they have been so awesome.

we went to max & erma's tonight to support a fund raiser there.

they boys just melt my heart, and abbey and brian have been a huge blessing.

bottom line: i am so blessed.

(so much more than i verbally say.)

i pray that as this week progresses, i am left with the chance to have a restful and refreshing spring break.

i can't believe it is that time already, but i am so thankful that the semester is almost half way over.  keep the weeks comin' :)

goodbye med surge.

med surge is officially over....FOREVER.

forever is an amazing word, especially in that context.

since my really rough week 3 or 4 weeks ago, i have been praying that this goes fast.

and what an answer to prayers that was!  it went speedy! and i'm not complaining.

i have been so blessed by so many people's prayers and support, i would not have made it alone.

my instructor said today, "you have made great improvements this semester.  i no longer see the cheerleader behavior, but more of a professional behavior.  and your enthusiasm is still there, i can see it.  it's just now professional and not like we're cheering at a football game.  good job"

kinda a back handed compliment but oh well. haha.
i am so looking forward to peds and psych (kinda).

on wednesday night we had some of the techs play that jelly bean game.

there are half that are good tasting and half that are awful.

rotten egg, skunk, bugger, centipede, ect.  yeah, gross.

but it was hilarious!

i will somewhat miss those nurses.

i spent all night at starbucks studying for theory.

there was a high school couple on a date.  and they both spent more time engaged in their iphones (her more than he) than each other!  what is this world coming to?! 

and she was interested. you could tell.  just couldn't put the stinkin phone down.  one of my pet peeves, can you tell?!

it's supposed to snow tomorrow, and i'm supposed to run a long run.  lovely!

wish me luck :)

appreciate it.

tonight was my last full day on med-surge (and with dottie!)

i can hear the hallelujah chorus playing right now!

we're not quite done, but it's so close i can taste it. 

tonight i had a patient i had before and he is pretty easy.

cirrosis and ascites, and now other organs are failing.

so not a whole lot of meds, just more comfort stuff.

but he is actively dying, and is well on his way.

it makes me sad to think about it.

this young (ish) guy is dying.  

with a daughter still in HS.

it's so sad, and such a reminder of how short life can be.

and i know i need to appreciate the time i'm given more than i do.

i often complain about school and all the stress.

how it's so hard and so overwhelming.

and while yes, it has a tendency to kick my butt at times, i chose this and have been called to nursing.

and i need to appreciate this time because who know how much longer i have in life {or even living the way i am}.

you never know when life will throw you a curve ball.

a man in the ICU is 27 with a daughter and is now paralyzed.

he is a quad (all limbs are affected).

how sad? breaks my heart, actually.

his life is forever changed--all due to an ATV accident.

so while i'm trying to appreciate life more, i am thinking about times and opportunities i've had. 

yesterday, i wore a scarf i got in paris when with MK.

gosh, how i long to be back there.

and how i am so stinkin lucky that at my young age i've gotten to see so much of the world.

{it's soo beautiful}

{i just loove it!}

{brings out the color in my eyes}

{just not wanting to do homework, so i'll take some more pics!}

happy wednesday.

this time next week it will almost be spring break, and i'll be officially done with med-surge for a long, long time.

girls night at the bonam's

friday night me, janet, miriam, and rachel w. had a girls night.

miriams parents were out of town for the weekend so we held down the fort.

and i don't think i have stayed up that late in a long time LOL.  

we made dinner, played 'name that tune', watched 'boys next door' which is fabulous! and then we got on this website called like a little (lal.com/malone).  

it's kinda silly and hasn't been used in a while.

but you can put secret crushes on there.

you pick if you're talking about a girl/boy, blonde/brown hair, then type a little note.

oh, and you can also chat with people who are on the website.

haven't been on an IM type thing in a while!

we tried to chat other people but they weren't really into it haha.

either way, it was so fun. and a needed break from homework.

midterms coming up so these next couple of weeks might be rough.

prayers always appreciated!

{girls niiiight!}

team tebow.

over the weekend i was home my mom got me an awesome shirt.

pretty much sums up my view on the whole tim tebow phenomenon.

as i was reading an article the other day, it was talking about tim tebow.

it had a lot to say but then challenged the reader:

have you prayed for tim tebow today?

he holds such an influential role right now in society.

you might think it's obnoxious or over the top.

or you might think he's gorgeous and pray, like every other girl in america, that he meets you and falls madly in love (guilty!!)

but when it comes down to it, he is using his fame to glorify God.

that is such a rarity these days!  

he probably has days where he needs encouraged, just like you.

he probably has days where he feels like he dishonors the Kingdom, like you.

he probably goes through the same challenges and daily struggles we encounter as Christians.

so if you haven't before, pray for tim tebow and his family.

that he stays strong for the Lord and continues to be an amazing example to the world.

what an amazing opportunity he has, and he gives all the glory to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

THAT's awesome.  and THAT makes me a tebow fan.

p.s....a donation was given to his organization that is supporting a hospital in the philippines right now.  that is how we got a hold of this shirt LOL.

with the boys.

last night i babysat.

when i left, about 5 minutes down the road i got a call from the mom.

she said, 'ann, the cafeteria has to be closed!  will you drive back to join us for dinner?"

{she wasn't home when i left}

so i turned around and then stayed there till 10 pm!  LOL.

got the boys to bed, had dinner, and then just talked.

i told them to keep me in mind if they know any single friends haha.

but most importantly, i finally got some pics WITH the boys!  

{so so smiley!}

{cam who is usually so smiley would NOT smile.  little stinker}

{oh my gosh this melts my heart!}

off to spend the weekend with friends.

p.s...woke up this morning feeling AWFUL.

i called off clinical for the first time ever. 

and i felt so bad and like a wimp.

{it doesn't hurt that my instructor is dotty.}

love letter. kinda.

tonight clinical was good....AGAIN.

hallalujia!  praise Jesus!

i had 2 adorable and super easy patients.

i love the old female patients, and i had TWO! score.

it was wonderful and i sat with one of them for over 40 minutes just talking.

she is so so sweet.  and i feel so bad for patients who have no visitors {her visitors came later}

i got an amazing valentines day letter from bishop.

totally made my night.

i love her and can't wait for summer to get to know her even better.

pray for my friend kayla.

going through a break up, and we all know how hard those can be.

only one more wednesday of this craziness!!

happy valentines day!

valentines day is a day that many singles hate.

not me.  i looove it! 

one of the girls in my family group from passion, julia, had this as her status:

"Here's to 20 years of singleness and still trusting that God has a plan for me that is far greater than any plan I've ever had for myself! Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

"God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones." -Is. 30:18b"

i wanted to steal it because it fits for me too!  except 21 years, not 20.

how awesome is that to think of valentines day in that way?!

then, on the way home from babysitting, i got serenaded in the parking lot by middle barclay.

i only knew one guy, alex s., and the others i hadn't met.

they sang some valentines day song and it seriously made my month!

then at the end they said i was probably going to see my bf.

i said nope, to which they all informed me that they were single LOL. 

i am so blessed to serve a God who knows how to love me better than anyone else!  being His daughter and valentine is more than i could ever ask for!  

 {me and kayla. v-day socks!  taken in chapel....shh}  

 

{some of my valentines.  one from elizabeth and lily missing.}

 

 {yea, my suite does wear matching socks.....thanks mrs. hamlin!}

 {we're cool}

i am so happy for all the people who have loves, and look forward to the day that the Lord blesses me with that!

 Happy Valentines Day!

just one.

people have been saying last night was the best night of worship yet.

for me, last night was really hard.

yes, it was awesome to feel the presence of the Lord, and boy did i feel it.

i got to sit with cassie h. and hear about a burden on her heart

{pray for her husband.  he is in pilot training for the army and he needs prayers}

i got to hold her 6 week old baby and worship.

God is so good.  my heart can be overwhelmed.

but for the first time, i felt like an outsider at VGF.

while i am away at school, everyone is building those relationships further.

while yes, i do talk weekly to bishop and biweekly to others, it's still hard.

i get there and just feel that i am not wanted.

it's my insecurities and my jealous.

but i txted amanda asking her if i could sit with her.

she said yes, then never told me where they were.

it's not a big deal at allll.  just makes me feel unwanted.

she was off sitting with some new girls she has gotten to know.

and i am elated for her!  she is making friendships and getting involved.

but i just feel like i am not.

i'm at a stand still.

makes me not want to be at school, and makes it that much harder to focus.

i would have sat by myself had i not gotten in a convo with cassie.

as she shared her heart, worship started.

she asked if i wanted to sit with them.

i'm trying to tell myself that wasn't a pity ask!!  haha.

but at least one person asked.

i just feel a bit discouraged because this is the first time this has happened.

and i'm assuming it might be reoccurring as the time keeps passing by.

but i need to pray for strength and to not be jealous.

to be confident in those friendships.  and to be confident that He knows what He's doing.

on top of feeling like an outsider, as i'm sitting with cassie and eden, my heart just hurt....in a good way.

i so badly want to be a mom and a wife.

and my heart just aches for that.

and it aches that i don't get to do that for a long long time.

again, i need to remember He knows what He is doing.

tomorrow is valentine's day.

and even though i'm single, i loove it!  

so fun to wear pink and have a day dedicated to love.

and i long for the day i get to share it with that special someone.

the vow.

last night me, bishop, and brook went to see the new movie, The Vow.

it has channing tatum and rachel mcadams in it. 

it looked soo good and i have been waiting for this since december.

when we got to the movie, it was sold out (luckily we got our tickets early).

there were no seats together, so the three of us sat on the floor.

never have i ever done that before!  it was certainly a memory.

i am not sure how i felt about it.

i was a bit disappointed with the ending, for sure.

bishop loved it, brook didn't care for it.  

which is exactly what we knew the verdict would be.

my mom came along too--i felt like she was a chaperone haha.

but she just wanted to see it.  

i had spent the whole day at river road with bishop doing homework.

it was so much nicer to do homework when you have company.

before coming home, my mom had been mad at me for a picture i had put on facebook.

it was not a big deal, but she was making it so much more than it needed it to be.

she was mad at me when i got home (and ignored me) and my sister said, 

'i bet you have a note under your door in the morning'

sure enough, there was a note under the door when i got up! LOL.

but we had a chance to talk and hash things out.

i still don't agree with her view, but told her that having the pics on didn't mean that much to me.

(i took them off the day she mentioned things to be at the beginning of the week).

so we agreed to disagree.

it's this awkward time of being an adult, while still wanting counsel.

i struggle a lot with my mom, and wish i didn't.

she was even mad at me this afternoon and said she's been so 'a gas' about how ungrateful i am.

{but this was the first thing mentioned when i walked in the door from church}

i just wish we didn't clash so much.

i feel a lot that no matter what i do i can't make her happy.

which is not a good place to be at, because i am sure that causes me to stop trying at times.

but at church, i saw todd g. and he said,

'i was just thinking of you!  really.  i saw someone who was pretty and then though, oh man that's not ann'

i love being home.

but for the first time in a long time today, i felt a bit out of place.

i felt that i was an outsider.  blah.

i think it's because everyone is getting to know everyone so much better, while i'm at school not getting to know others except via phone conversations. 

the sermon was about money today and i am feeling convicted.

lots of praying to do about this mission trip to come.

and wondering if i should be going.

more on that to come.

night of worship tonight!
i literally can't wait.

solitude and re-focus is much needed right now.

{oh bishop...typical}

on my game!

clinical today was awesome.

i got a compliment from dottie--WOW!

everyone said that's the first she's given all semester.

my BP med was border line in need of being held, so i checked with the RN, who wanted it held. 

dottie told me that i was using great nursing skills (i've done it several times before, but i'll take what i can get!).

then, she told me that i was 'on my game' today.

thankyouverymuch.

plus, my patient told her a million times i was awesome.

he was a bit grouchy, but maybe i would be too if i was in the hospital for a week straight.  

overall, he was sweet.

then i got to see the babes!  love them bunches.

at home this weekend.  will post that drama later :)

{aaaaaadorable!}

everything is meaningless.

'meaningless, meaningless.  everything is meaningless!'
sounds like shakespeare or something, but it's actually in the Bible.
ecclesiastes, that is. Ecc 1:1-11 to be exact.
this past sunday that is what our message at church was about.

its a passage about all these things that meaningless--under the sun.
under this sun, nothing matters.  nothing satisfies.  nothing lasts.
but what lasts is what will be eternal with Jesus.
and as i was sitting there listening to it i kept thinking,

'ann, clinical is meaningless'

not in the sense that it isn't important, because it definitely is.
i'm learning and expected to perform well.
but in the scheme of these: my experience, instructor, and struggles that i have had this semester... they don't really matter.
they will come and go.  just as the sun rises and sets each day.
and what WILL be left is my beautiful Jesus.
and that all brought me such great comfort.
it made me {semi} excited to go to clinical. 
(just wanting to get it over with, really. but it gave me confidence)

i was worried this would make clinical even more challenging this week....BUT....
i have never had a patient get dischanrged while i'm on the floor...until tonight.

and boy do i loooove discharges {probably almost as much as the patients!! LOL}

it made my night soo much easier.

and i was in much need of an easy clinical after last fridays clinical.

had the patient for about three hours, and then she was gone.  

and the nurse i had was AWESOME.  so that helped a lot, too.

tonight, i got to perform my first straight catheter!

not as exciting as it seems, but it was fun to get experience.

and through it all, if i am keeping my eyes on Him and how to be as Christlike as i can, in the end i am winning.  i am putting effort into the one thing that is eternal, everlasting, superior, fulfilling and all loving.
that is so meaningFUL.
and that's where i need to remain my focus.

only 2 more wednesdays of this insane-ness.

and oh how i can't wait till they're over with!

no TP.

today was a super productive day.  again.  yes!

then i babysat the cutest boys ever and watched the biggest loser.

abbey and i met beforehand to talk about our bible study and i love it so much!

can't wait to continue growing together.

but please get a good laugh out of this.

my roomie left us this wonderful creation.

this morning, we found this lovely note in the bathroom:

{it reads--i love when i take a crap and there is NO toilet paper...}

bhahahah.  love it.

and we're out of toilet paper.  still.  yikes!

tomorrow is wednesday. and my clinical day.

prayers for strength and the ability to make it through the day would be so greatly appreciated! 

p.s...this past weekend the 5 girls i was close with in peru started a chain on facebook (i started it--tori is off facebook so she wasn't part of the convo) and have been catching each other up on our lives.  it's been awesome.  and how i so badly miss them!

we went through some awesome experiences together and i am beyond grateful for them and all they mean to me.  i wish i could reunite with them all soon!  one is engaged and to get married in may.  one just got back from a semester in england.  the rest of us go to school and enjoy the life He has set before us. they're awesome and i wish we all lived closer.  wish the distance hadn't separated us!

{this night, almost 5 years ago, we were waiting in the hotel lobby to catch our planes to Lima, Peru.  can't believe it's almost been 5 years.  WOW!}

{caitlin d., amanda c., mary kate b., me, ari h., tori d.}

s.o.s week 3. and productiveness.

last night was our third week of the song of solomon bible study.

it has been sooo good!

we have had good discussion and i am learning valuable things.

today, i got a response to my clinical journal.

my instructor told me that my lack of preparation surprised her and took her back.

she claims she was surprised.  i took it as anger.

i didn't get that vibe, but i appreciate her saying that and feel that was something i needed to hear.

it makes me feel a little bit less incompetent.

today i got a 10.5 on my political quiz!  woot. 

and i got my paperwork almost all the way done,

PLUS i got a lot of my model UN paper done.

it was a productive day.

good thing it was productive because tomorrow is time with my boys and the biggest loser which means nothing gets done :)

{creepin on some girlies!}

happy monday; one step closer to friday!

4 nights this week.

tonight marks 4 nights i've had dinner with abbey and brian!

i am worried i might be getting a bit too much.  but they keep insisting.

tonight, abbey had a game. 

i have been wanting to go so i went!

the girls played awesome the first half.  then the second half wasn't so good.

but this team is second in the state, so at least it was a good team to lost to.

afterwards, their whole family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, ect.)  went to a pizza place.

they asked if i wanted to go and i said i already had dinner

{which i had.  but i also didn't want to intrude}.

they insisted i at least come and socialize.  so i did.

i know they're being genuine, but i wonder how much is pity! haha.

it was so fun and i just love their family.

plus papa bear's was delicious and beats cafeteria food anyday!

i said i wasn't hungry and that i didn't know what to get. gayle, the grandma, said i had to order something.

i said 'i don't know what to get!'

to which she looks at her menu and replies, 'oh i'll tell ya.' so matter of factually. it was hilarious.

it was just a fun fun evening.

getting to know the gparents, aunts, uncles, and coaches better is so fun.

now im exhausted and hoping to get to bed soon!

church in the morning...can't wait!!

worst. day. (of clinical) ever.

today was a horrible day.

and i have spent more of it crying my eyes out.

clinical was awful, and probably--no DEFINITELY--the worst ever.

i got my first unsat.  ever.  

an unsat is when you are 'unsatisfactory' in your care.

i had a patient who had 16 meds this morning.

somehow, i missed that when i had him on wednesday.

so i show up and am trying to make sure that i know my meds.

well dottie asked me why i wasn't with my patient for breakfast at 8 am--which i didn't know was a big deal cause he fed himself the other day.

and i said that tom my nurse was there and that i was going soon, just trying to get ahead on my meds.

bad bad choice.

blamed the whole thing on having new meds and she blew up.

she checked the chart and all meds were ordered on 1-31 and so according to her i should have known them all already.

so as i am giving my first set of meds she comes in and says 'i don't know when you want to know this, but i am going to have to give you an unsat for today.  not knowing your meds was not OK when they were ordered on the 31st.'

my patient was right there and it was super embarassing.

then tom, the RN for my patient, pops in the room.

my patient was in isolation so it's always a big ordeal to gown up.

and he looks at me (while holding back tears) and says 'are you alright?'

i say yes through tears and again feel stupid.  

i had to ask him a question so i'm crying as i am talking to him.

so so not professional.  but i literally could not help myself.

then i cry and cry while trying to take care of my patient.  

i just needed to cry but couldn't really.

so then i would cry off and on all day long.

i have never prayed so hard for the Lord to give me strength to not cry in front of dottie.

then, i cried all the way home with gretchen and jess.

and then on the way to babysit i cried, too.

so abbey and brian asked what was up and i told them.

it was so humliating.

but brian is a vet and said 'i have to go to work but i'll be back at 5 15 or 5 30.  we'll talk then'

so he came home and asked how i was doing.

and we talked for a while about med school and how he learned things.

how to deal with those kind of people.

how hard it is to turn the other cheek.

he was so understanding and so helpful.

and i am so blessed by the way we were able to connect on that level.

then tonight i had hopes of doing homework, but just wanted to not do anything.

my eyes are all puffy and red.

so i just watched a movie with kayla.

only abbey and brian know about the unsat (and the two girls in the car with me).  

and i think it will stay that way.

these next 3 weeks with her are going to killlll me.

i don't know how i am going to get through.

please pray for me.  

for strength, wisdom on what to say and how to say things to my instructor, and the ability to stay positive and enthusiastic through it all.

i am trusting God has a plan through all this.  just not sure what.

IV attempt #1.

today i got to try to start my first IV!

hold the excitement.....it wasn't quite successful.

i tried 2 times and couldn't find it.

he was old, dehydrated and had wrinkly skin.

and i felt much better when the nurse i was with couldn't get one in either.

she said he had bad veins so that made me feel a bit better.  

you got to start somewhere!  and i was so thankful for my chance to try.

hopefully next time will be more successful!

also, i am convinced my professor hates me haha.
she is always dogging on me.
today, she told me that she should be giving me an un-safe.
{an unsafe is when you do something unsafe with the medicine}
i accidentally let a needle touch my hand.
but it was a needle that gets discarded and doesn't go into the patient.
i know there are rules, but nurses do it all. the. time.
and just for her to say that in front of a patient is not appropriate.
she also yelled cause i didn't put my syringes in the 'right' order.
well, that's personal preference!
and again, in front of a patient makes me seem incompetent.
ugh.  these next 3 weeks will be rough.

and then i got this lovely note from her:

it reads:
ann, i have said this before--this folder is ONLY for THIS week's paperwork.  Please get another folder for all your other papers.  I don't want to carry all that around!

oh dottie.

thats about all that happened today.

i'm beat and looking forward to the day off tomorrow!